From the exact same people who brought you Being Coleen’s friend, part one: The secret agony

Once again, close your eyes, friend. Picture yourself as one of Coleen McLoughlin’s closest, and probably coolest, acquaintances.

You get to see all the outfits she wastes, all the strong alcoholic cocktails she orders with absolutely no intention of drinking. And worst of all, when you’re finally booked in to play that DJ set you always dreamed of at the H Bar in Liverpool, in she steams to take over, as you look on, forlornly. A broken man. There’s nothing you can do though. She’s Coleen McLoughlin, for God’s sake. You’re just some guy who wanted to play a few records.

Step aside, Coleen coming through! Step aside!