He isn’t that fast according to Middle England’s favourite rag

The big news from the Olympics this weekend was that hotly-tipped Tyson Homosexual didn’t even make the 100m final and the appropriately-named Usain Bolt had to slow down in the last 10 metres of the big race through fear that his velocity would rip a hole in the space-time continuum, dooming us all.

The Daily Mail took a break from telling us how The Dark Knight will spark the downfall of civilisation to report on Bolt’s world record 9.69sec time, but they got a little muddled with the numbers. As our hombres at Machochip correctly assert, their headline would put his spectacular achievement outside of Carl Lewis’ 9.92sec record from Barcelona 1992.

Spoiler Bonus: Check out Bolt’s ourageously cocky world record after the jump, provided that the spoilsports at YouTube haven’t taken it down for the billionth time…