Tomorrow’s headlines today…

Forget all this today stuff, let’s have a glance through the mists of a murky crystal ball we bought from Mario off Big Brother…

Ronaldo’s on his way to Man City
This summer there was a flurry of excitement when Man City offered Ronaldinho the opportunity to sample Manchester’s sumptuous nightlife, whilst occasionally kicking a football from side to side. That wasn’t to be, but fans of the Citizens can rejoice because AC Milan’s vice-president Adriano Galliani has claimed that Ronaldo, the striker recovering from a ruptured kneecap ligament, bad hair and a massive belly, is on his way. He said: “Ronaldo to Manchester City? It’s all true. A very good friend of mine who is a Brazilian football expert confirmed it to me.” Excellent.

Rio readies his hairdryer
Jack of all trades Rio Ferdinand has announced that he would like to follow in Sir Alex Ferguson’s shoes when he retires from football by becoming a manager. He said: “I love football so I’m sure I’ll be involved in the game in one way, shape or form. As I get older, management seems the direction that I’d like to see myself in.”