The worst players currently plying their trade in the top flight

A survey of the worst Premier League players of all time as conducted by Top-Up TV arrived at Spoiler Towers this morning, and their ‘Relegation Utd’ looked a little something like this:

Massimo Taibi; Titus Bramble; Jean-Alain Boumsong; Abel Xavier; and Darren Peacock; Eric Djemba Djemba; Luke Chadwick; Carlton Palmer; Lee Dong Gook; Thomas Brolin; Diego Forlan; and manager Sammy Lee.

After wondering how the Top-Up TV team that didn’t include the man who Alan Mullery declared as the worst player ever to grace the top flight, Carl Leaburn, we decided that there are eleven men currently earning their keep in the Prem who would lose to this motley lot…

Paul Robinson, Blackburn
Proved that he didn’t leave his catalogue of errors at White Hart Lane when Mikel Arteta’s free-kick from a ridiculous angle caught him out on the opening day of the season.

Jlloyd Samuel, Bolton
Graduated from the same “I-may-have-a-great-name-but-I’m-not-a-great-footballer” club as Eric Djemba-Djemba and Quincy Owusu-Abeyie.

Titus Bramble, Wigan
Alright, so there was one player on their team who we agreed with.

Lucas Neill, West Ham
Was a fundamental part of West Ham’s miraculous escape in 2006-07 but has only had a handful of good games since. Neill’s trademark is to move out of position, watch the guy he’s meant to be marking collect the ball and then, with disaster appearing imminent, foul him.

Paulo Ferreira, Chelsea
What do Geremi, Lassana Diarra and Michael Essien all have in common? They normally play in midfield yet have all at one point or other been favoured over Ferreira to play at right-back for Chelsea.

Andy van der Meyde, Everton
He hasn’t played for over a year and has started 12 league games in over three years but the lazy, training-dodging, injury-prone midfielder is still at Goodison Park, mainly because nobody else wants him.

Nigel Quashie, West Ham
Poor Quashie has been relegated from the Premier League with four different clubs and a major reason current club West Ham didn’t go down was because he picked up an injury. It’s almost the 18 month anniversary of his last appearance for the club.

Phil Neville, Everton
Provides the proof that West Ham aren’t the only club whose captain is actually their weakest link. There’s no doubting his passion or his commitment but in terms of actual ability, he is well out of his depth especially when playing in a midfield comprising of players like Mikel Arteta and Tim Cahill.

Emmanuel Eboue, Arsenal
Nobody better fits the “jack-of-all-trades, master of none” billing. The traits that have endeared him to Arsenal fans include his complaining, his penchant for making errors and that feeling that he could get himself sent off at any minute. Shades of Luis Boa Morte when he was at the club but at least he was gone within two years.

David Healy, Sunderland
34 goals in 65 games for Northern Ireland - Whoa! Healy must be the best striker in the world! But put him in a club jersey and he’ll score only four goals in thirty league games, like he did for Fulham last season.

Alan Smith, Newcastle
November 19, 2005 was a special day for Smith. No, it wasn’t the day that he picked up his latest quad bike, it was the day he last scored a Premier League goal.

Manager: Juande Ramos, Tottenham
The Spaniard is a controversial choice, but he has won just ten of 29 league games with a club who are supposedly destined for the top four and has got worse as time has passed, with just one win from his last nine.