Hey, at least they weren’t as bad as Scotland

The one per cent of the UK’s population who managed to tune in the Satsuma Sports channel at the weekend needn’t watch the clip above, but the rest of us may not have been gifted the opportunity to see yet another lukewarm England performance until now.

It was a trademark lacklustre performance from the Three Lions, and while most fans ask why players tend not to play as well as they do in an England shirt as they do for their club, Chelsea fans were left asking the exact reverse of Joe Cole following his embarrassment-saving brace.