Look, he done a goal!

Should Poyet go to Newcastle, which - as the only man on the planet who can stomach Dennis Wise - he really should, it’s important that he win over the fans, and fast. Much of the Geordie faithful will still be weeping into their pillows at nighttime, praying that Kevin Keegan isn’t too cold and lonely, and their much-talked-about boycotting of St James’s Park remains to be seen if we are to believe it. But Gustavo Poyet would be wise to remind them of the time he pulled an impressive scissor-kick out of the bag against those bad guys from Sunderland. It was during the glorious summer of 1999, fact fans.

Whatever he does, he mustn’t mention the time he put two past Shay Given in the 2000 FA Cup semi-final.