The Italian isn’t a fan of Dennis Wise’s sense of humour
It’s widely reported that Gianfranco Zola will be announced as West Ham’s new manager within 48 hours despite his former Chelsea teammate Dennis Wise supposedly showing an interest in taking him to Newcastle.
Some reports suggest that Zola would prefer to live in London than Newcastle while others claim that the Italian is looking forward to working with compatriot Gianluca Nani.
However, the latest extract of Wise’s autobiography, which is being serialised on The Spoiler, exposes the real reason: Zola wasn’t very impressed by Wise’s practical jokes:
None of the stunts I pull are meant to be malicious or are intended to hurt anyone. They are just to make life a bit more colourful - although I am not so sure Gianfranco Zola or Glenn Hoddle saw the funny side of a couple of my pranks.
Franco is a lovely bloke - he wouldn’t harm a fly and would not think ill of anyone. So when he was reading a book in English to improve his grasp of the language, he did not suspect a thing when I kept asking him about it. “What is that book?” I’d say. “Is a spy book, a thriller…you know, Wisey, a mystery,” he answered. Every time I saw him his head was buried in this book and I’d always ask him about it. “Yes, is a good book,” he said. After about the tenth time, he is such a lovely bloke that he said, “Wisey, you are interested in this book, yes? I will buy you one for yourself. Is a good book.”
What he didn’t know was that I had a plan. When he left the book down one day, I managed to tear out the last chapter. Then our regular chats resumed. “How is it, the book?” I would always say. “Very good, very exciting. I can’t wait to find out what ‘appen in the end” was his reply every time I asked - until one day he wasn’t reading it any more.
“Finished the book, Franco?” I asked. “How was it, a good story?” “For long time, yes,” he replied. “But Wisey, the ending, it was strange, very strange.” I couldn’t hold it back any longer and just burst out laughing. Then I explained what I had done and all he could say was “Bastard, you bastard”. Anyway, I promised him he could have the chapter I had torn out back if he scored in our next game against Crystal Palace. And he did.
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10 responses so far
1 Toony // Sep 9, 2008 at 12:11 pm
Gosh - how amusing! That Wisey certainly is a cheeky chirpy cockney geezer. A right bundle of laughs.
He’s also a malevolent cross-eyed dwarf intent on destroying everything the geordies love about their team.
2 The receptionist // Sep 9, 2008 at 12:20 pm
So that was Keegan’s problem then - he just didn’t understand Dennis Wise’s sense of humour.
3 Wog chops // Sep 9, 2008 at 12:30 pm
Zola the new hammers hero good luck son
4 Rob // Sep 9, 2008 at 12:31 pm
“He’s also a malevolent cross-eyed dwarf intent on destroying everything the geordies love about their team.”
Just do me a favour and explain what that is, exactly? I’ve always thought of Newcastle as the footballing equivalent of those “face only a mother could love” people. Mug like a lorry tire. Personality like Bernard Manning without the charm. Arse like an artic truck. Must be a tricky relationship.
Still, at least she’s funny eh?
5 Brad // Sep 9, 2008 at 1:10 pm
Man I miss those Chelsea kits. Those are the colors they should be wearing. Georgous striping and nice CFC logo on it. The current ones really don’t compare. They should go back to those.
While I’m in the wishing mode, I’ll also wish to have that Zola and Wise team back. And Vialli. Life was so much more funny wish Gianluca around.
6 whu66 // Sep 9, 2008 at 2:26 pm
Wise is not a cockney not everyone who comes from london is a cockney he comes from kensington in west london
7 Marleeeen depreciation society // Sep 9, 2008 at 3:00 pm
just to back up whu66 cockneys are born within the sound of bow bells, bow being in the east end of london. generally the east end tends to be more working class and west london posher although there are lots of exceptions. i think most west ham fans are indifferent to the likely appointment of zola as he’s not a former west ham player and so won’t “get it” meaning knowing what west ham are about and try to be. but he is attack minded which is something i guess. i feel for newcastle fans though, you now know ashley favors wise over someone like keegan which is a stupid state of affairs.
8 A13 Dean // Sep 9, 2008 at 10:59 pm
The Bow Bells are in the City of London just off of Cheapside, nothing to do with Bow in the East End.
I look upon Zola not being an ex-West Ham player as a bonus. The last bloke we had as manager came through the youth set up was brought up in Canning Town and still didn’t “get it”.
9 Big Jill // Sep 10, 2008 at 1:45 am
what are you talking about, zola ‘might not get it’ - ie ‘know what west ham are about.’ you pompous twerp. of course he get it - you want to be better, finish no worse than 8th in the league, win a cup now and then (every 7-8 years) and play half decent football, even though you havent for 30 years.
10 eastend // Sep 10, 2008 at 11:15 am
The real reason Zola chose west ham over newcastle is that newcastle didn’t even offer him the job!