Liverpool star won’t be signing any scraps of paper today

Poor old Philip Degen had a rubbish Tuesday night. Having been overlooked for all the important Liverpool matches, he was finally granted a run out against Crewe in the ‘waste of time’ Worthington Cup, shortly before puncturing a lung.

To add insult to injury, he was then pestered by hysterical autograph hunters as he lay in hospital awaiting treatment. Degen commented, “All the other patients recognised me. But the doctors imposed an autographs ban - I was not allowed to sign any.” Quite when this particular ban comes to an end is unclear.

Still, could be worse, he could be Joey Barton.