Hands up who used to fancy this buxom young chap…

Remember Nereida Gallardo? She was the sturdy young thing who spent the most part of the Spring enduring Cristiano Ronaldo’s endless French kisses. She had the look of a fantastic WAG about her, the pair were spotted getting off on yachts, sun loungers, beaches, on pavements, in cars, on water motorbikes, both smeared from head to toe in baby oil… and then she just disappeared.

The Spoiler has missed her tremendously. But thankfully, she has poked her head up from whatever set of bedsheets she’s been sweating beneath to set a few things straight about Man United’s fancy young winger. From what we can gather, the steamy twosome had a relationship purely based on intense lovemaking - “life was only Playstation, movies on TV and sex”, “we had sex on the first night we met” - and he decided to finish things on the phone. By text.

For another take on things, head to Kickette.

More Nereida after the jump…