Yes, it was as you’d imagine, pretty much…

For those of you not popular enough to receive an invite to Defoe’s birthday party at the weekend, it was absolutely amazing. Of course, The Spoiler would have gone, but X Factor was on telly.

All the usual faces piled down to Maya nightclub in London - Crouch and Clancy, Sol Campbell (sucking on a lolly, like Kojak), SWP. By all accounts a great time was had by all, particularly Jodie Marsh who obeyed the club’s mantra of being “cool, sleek and chic” by simulating streetside sexual intercourse (above).

Many happy returns, Jermain.

More pictures after the jump.