Lessons in breathing and blinking expected to follow

Presumably inspired by Cristiano Ronaldo’s propensity to stay up all night entertaining the ladies, Manchester Utd have given certain players professional assistance with going to sleep:

The sleep coach visited the club training HQ last month.”It was a voluntary thing, so the whole squad didn’t attend - but quite a few of the lads did.

“Since then he’s been to a good few of their homes.

“He told them to pay more attention to what they sleep on and that they had to take account of height and weight.

“Some of the detail was amazing, like monitoring how much you sweat.

“He went into lifestyle, diet and sleep and then he comes up with a perfect mattress.”

Alex Ferguson is said to have given the sleep instructor “his blessing”, but we can’t imagine the fiery old Scot being too impressed by someone telling his players how to efficiently perform a basic bodily function. Frankly, it sounds something that only Professor Wenger would really endorse…