Footballers denied permission to get their crunk on

Hip hop “stars” Lil Wayne and Akon will be holding a behemoth of a Christmas celebration in Miami, and via their relative fame, Didier Drogba, Nicolas Anelka, El-Hadji Diouf and Djibril Cisse have earned invites.

Unofrtunately, the Premiership stars’ opportunity to parade their astonishing wealth in front of other shamelessly affluent young folks has been denied by Big Phil Scolari and Roy “Buzz Killington” Keane. The “biggest hip hop bash ever thrown” is scheduled for Christmas week, and apparently there are quite a few pesky Premier League games set to scupper the festive plans.

Frankly, this professional obligation is a blessing in disguise for Anelka and Drogba, as anyone who has ever been in a confined space with El-Hadji Diouf will undoubtedly agree.