The latest gossip, rumours and fairly ridiculous lies

On the day that Carlos Tevez tried to make peace with Manchester Utd by slagging them off and touting a move to Spain in a phone call to The Sun, the transfer rumour mill is kicking out some brilliant nonsense…

John Terry to Manchester City
In their morning gossip column, The Guardian report that Manchester City are “about to sign John Terry, David Villa, Lionel Messi or Kaka”.

The Spoiler truth-o-meter: It sounds like the Arab owners have been randomly plucking names from their tombola of famous footballers again. It’s pretty unlikely that “Mr Chelsea” will quit the Bridge anytime soon.

Matthew Upson to Arsenal
Professor Wenger is said to be interested in plugging the hole in his central defence with forgotten son Matthew Upson. In order to meet The Hammers’ £16m valuation, Arsenal are willing to throw Nicklas Bendtner into the deal.

The Spoiler truth-o-meter: Sky Sports say Aston Villa have had an £11m bid turned down this morning. If West Ham do decide to sell, they should probably agree to let Arsenal keep Bendtner.

Scott Parker to Manchester City
Continuing their tenacious quest to overpay for everything, City are reportedly willing to offer Scott Parker £100,000 a week. Who is currently on £70,000 a week. Really?

The Spoiler truth-o-meter: Scott Parker is not a £100,000 a week player, and West Ham yesterday said they are not willing to lessen their financial burdens and sell their star midfielder.