Has anybody seen Dennis Wise lately?

There’s a bit of a mystery unfolding on Tyneside - no one seems to be able to locate Newcastle Utd’s Executive Director of Football Dennis Wise.

The man whom Vinnie Jones warmly refers to as “Ratboy” hasn’t been in the directors’ box at St James’ for a few months, and apparently played no part in the January transfer window negotiations. Out of pure concern for his well being, The Spoiler called all his known contacts - Mike Ashley, Dick van Dyke, Danny Baker, Jason Statham and Trigger - but no one has seen him.

Regardless of his whereabouts, the rumour vine suggests Wisey is about to part company with Newcastle. It’s hard to believe that they wouldn’t want a man who has sourced fantastic talent like Xisco, who drove out King Kev, and who preferred to take his family to the theatre in London rather than attend important matches, but that’s just how ruthless the folks who run the club are willing to be in these difficult times.