Who will rescue Arsenal star from 1950s time warp?

We all know that Russia is a modern oasis of culture, where misogyny, racism and drunken political violence are a thing of the past.* Despite this, some of its citizens do not hold particularly enlightened views on the world. In his bizarrely-titled book 555 Questions And Answers On Women, Money, Politics, Football, Andrei Arshavin states that women should not have driving licences:

“If I had it in my power to introduce a ban on women driving cars and to withdraw all their licences, I would do it without thinking twice.”

“In my opinion a woman and a man are two absolutely different creatures.”

Female football fans will also be delighted to hear that Arshavin thinks you should leave the cancer sticks alone. ”I dislike women who smoke - and lies,” he said in December. Well put, comrade.

Here’s some more Andrei/ Andrey/ Andriy facts that we learn from this morning’s Sun newspaper:

• He was once hit by a car on the way to training, which sent him “ten metres into the air”. [Ten metres? How fast was the car going and how the hell did he survive?]
• Arsahvin is obsessed with Football Manager, and likes to play it with English lower division sides.
• He is afraid of the dark.
• He is also afraid of water - not because of how deep it is, but “the creatures that are maybe hiding in it”.
• He has a partner named Julia and a son Artyom. They are not married but he refers to her as his wife. Presumably, she doesn’t drive or smoke.
• He has resisted the urge to buy a Range Rover Sport and instead drives a Mercedes GL class.

*Not true