Man City star’s name makes for confusing headlines

There’s plenty of reasons why Stephen Ireland shouldn’t be given the privilege of representing his country: the bizarre array of haircuts he had before admitting he was bald, the ridiculous Range Rover, and the plethora of non-existent dying elderly relatives he calls upon to excuse himself.

The biggest reason, however, is his surname. The perils of having a player named ‘Ireland’ play for Ireland were reiterated in The Guardian today, when they ran the ambiguous headline “Trapattoni issues an ultimatum to Ireland”. If we didn’t already know that the midfielder lacked the desire and pride to play for his country, we’d had no idea which Ireland the headline is referring to.

To avoid further semantic confusion, Mr Ireland, please stay away from Croke Park.