Disappointing striker is finding life tough in Blighty

Poor old Roman Pavlyuchenko. Not only does he have to put up with the fact that he’s a bit rubbish, but he also hates the country he was forced to come and work in. This morning’s Sun quotes the Russian striker:

“I don’t like English dishes. At the Spurs training ground, the food is modest. All they have there is a simple canteen.

“At the Spartak training camp, near Moscow, the choice and quality is better.

“But since my wife Larisa joined me in London it’s not a problem for me any more.

“She is a good cook and now I eat at home. I’m back to my favourite borsch and vareniki.”

Those unacquainted with Russian cuisine will be delighted to hear that “borsch and vareniki” is beetroot soup with sour cream, accompanied by dumplings stuffed with sauerkraut and cottage cheese. Not only does this sound disgusting, but the dieticians at Tottenham would despair if they knew their players were regularly indulging in such stodge.

Despite explaining that he has brought his wife over to London, Pavluchenko continued to tell us how Abbey Clancy, Gemma Atkinson and Cheryl Cole ain’t much to look at compared to the girls back home:

Asked which country had the better-looking women, he said: “Russia, of course - there can’t be any comparison.”

To round of his tirade, Pavlyuchenko moaned about the way English TV commentators pronounce his name (”It sounds so distorted, I can’t even say it”) - a slightly hypercritical claim from someone who admits he is “far from fluent” in English.