Brazilian seals €67.2m deal for the sake of beloved Italian side

Kaka’s world record breaking transfer was made official overnight, as the former World Player of the Year gave a press conference in Recife, Brazil.

The one who belongs to Jesus explained that the move was not motivated by a desire to progress his career, or to earn a shitload of cash, but because he loves AC Milan so damn much. That’s right, he left the Rossoneri so that they could afford to buy players who are not as good as him:

“My desire was to stay at Milan, but the world financial crisis has affected a lot of clubs, especially Milan.

“As such, I spoke with the Milan board and we concluded that the best thing for everyone would be to sell me.”

New owners Real Madrid must be delighted by the pro-AC attitude of their €67.2m signing, who gives the impression that he is a damsel being torn away from his former lover by a rich-but-mean-spirited villain.

Kaka is expected to take the number five shirt, making him the third consecutive FIFA World Player of the Year to wear it (following Fabio Cannovaro and Zinedine Zidane). However, the costly Brazilian isn’t sure he can handle the pressure of such a hallowed squad number:

“Using the No. 5 would be a big responsibility.

“Zidane was an excellent player for both Real Madrid and the French national team, and I would prefer not to use the same number as him. But let’s wait a little longer before we decide.”

Wuss.