Striker doesn’t fancy the trip to Doncaster next season

The incredulous 32-page brochure published on his behalf has made him seem about as attractive as a shit-flavoured lollipop, but Michael Owen has today insisted his future lies outside of St James’ Park.

Speaking to Sky Sports News, the 29-year-old striker has insisted he has generated interest outside the UK, but would prefer to stay in the Premiership:

“There has been a lot of interest from abroad and quite a bit from home as well, but obviously the Premier League is where I feel I belong.

“I am still contracted to Newcastle for a few weeks, so that is where I am at the minute. I don’t think I am going to be re-signing at Newcastle, as one I don’t think I am going to be offered a new contract and I want to play in the Premier League or a top division somewhere else.”

Everton and Aston Villa have both been linked with the charismatic striker, but the only club who appear to have expressed a firm interest are Hull. Either Owen had failed to read any newspapers this morning, or he is deliberately ignoring Phil Brown’s advances in the hope that they will go away:

“I haven’t been made aware of [Hull’s interest], it is a new one - but I have been linked with virtually every team in last few weeks.

“I will sit down but I don’t think it is fair to Newcastle at the moment. I had four enjoyable years there, and I am very sorry to leave them when they are going to be in the Championship so I wouldn’t like to talk about specific clubs who I am going to join.”

Sky also asked the Championship striker about the negative press he has been receiving lately:

“I have got skin thicker than 99.9 per cent of the population.

“Yes I prefer people to say nice things about me as it is not as if I have murdered someone, but you get more criticism as a footballer and you have to be thick skinned.”

We had no idea Owen’s skin was so thick - why this wasn’t listed as one of his brand values?