Oversexed winger takes out frustration on Madrid captain

Tonight, Cristiano Ronaldo will enjoy his first game as a Real Madrid player, against a team he admits he has “never heard of” (that’ll be Shamrock Rovers, a side with whom The Spoiler only had the most passing familiarity).

Training seems to be going well, although it would appear that the Portuguese star is having difficulty locating unscrupulous ladies in Ireland. Either that, or he has found a forceful way to persuade Raul into giving him the number seven shirt.

This wonderful sport/ porn hybrid was brought to our attention by the miscreants at Dirty Tackle. They don’t deserve £10 prize money - they’d only spend it on binoculars and gaffer tape - but you could earn some cash if you send us some Sporno and we use it.

Click here to see the full Sporno gallery