The 2009 window deals that were absolutely inevitable

As the transfer window creaks shut for once more, Spoiler correspondent Andrew Brook has compiled a team of players who were always destined to change clubs this summer. And look, he’s done it in a 3-5-2 formation! How fun!

GK - Joe Hart
(Manchester City to Birmingham)
As soon as Manchester City signed Shay Given in January, Hart was destined to leave. Every season a promoted team seems to get a new goalkeeper (Scott Carson to West Brom in 2008, Craig Gordon to Sunderland in 2007) so this was an obvious match.

DF - Joleon Lescott
(Everton to Manchester City)
One of this season’s most painfully long sagas saw David Moyes over take Sir Alex Ferguson as the Premier League’s dourest Scot, and thus by extension its dourest person. Just be thankful that this inevitable deal didn’t drag on all the way to deadline day.

DF - Kyle Naughton
(Sheffield United to Tottenham Hotspur)
Even before Sheffield United failed to secure Premier League promotion, everyone knew one of their ranks would be playing in the top flight this season. Harry Redknapp could not remember which of the Blades’ Kyles he wanted, so nabbed Naughton’s teammate Walker as well, but we all knew which one he meant.

Catalan giants get a twelfth man in tonight’s UEFA Super Cup

The annual UEFA Super Cup usually serves as little more than an excuse to use Monaco’s exquisite Stade Louis II stadium, and tonight sees Champions League winners Barcelona distract themselves from the start of the domestic season by taking on UEFA Cup winners Shakhtar Donetsk. The game - on ITV1 tonight from 7.45 - may not be a classic, but it will be made a little more interesting by the imminent transfer of Dmytro Chygrynskiy.

The defender and kit man’s nightmare has announced that the game against Barcelona will be his last for the Ukrainian side, as he will sign for a new club on Monday. That new club just so happens to be Barcelona.

The Citizens channel the seventies in their latest shirt design

We rather like the black and yellow second choice Manchester City kit, and we rather like this one too. Presumably, Etihad are also happy with a diminished version of their logo.

What do you think?

[Available for pre-order from next Friday]

Predict the weekly football scores and win big money

Soccer Millionaire is a new online football pools game, and a revolutionary way to test how much you really know about the game. Plus, there’s plenty of chances to win huge cash prizes.

They offer a wide range of unique games like ‘The Predictor’, offers its players a guaranteed £1,000,000 jackpot every single week plus big cash prizes to the top scoring players.

Soccer Millionaire is also the only site to pay you for getting the scores wrong- play the ‘Zero Points Game’ and win a estimated prize of £1,000 for predicting football scores incorrectly. Who else pays you to lose?

Ever wanted to test your football knowledge against friends, family, or work colleagues? Soccer Millionaire gives every player the opportunity to create their own ‘Private Leagues’ once they register. Players invite whoever they choose, and use their results from scored coupons to see who really is the ultimate football pundit!

Also appearing on a computer near you…

Can you say “irony”, Dwight Yorke?
[Pies]

FHM trains with Blackburn Rovers. Badly.
[FHM]

Best. Haircut. Ever.
[The Offside]

Cesc Fabregas is winning his fight for fitness for the Manchester Utd game
[F365]

UEFA FAIL!
[Dirty Tackle]

Chelsea make a last ditch £57m bid for Franck Ribery
[Daily Mail]

Kaka ain’t afraid of no English teams
[The Telegraph]

Fiorentina rebuff Chelsea’s advances for ‘unsellable’ youngster Stevan Jovetic
[Goal.com]

Spoiler promotion: Fancy a free punt? Of course you do, silly billy! Check out hundreds of pounds worth of free football bets at
OLBG Sports

We uncover the premise to the illusionist’s latest TV spectacle 

The illusionist/ psychologist/ mentalist isn’t speaking an obscure Bavarian dialect while promoting his new series - the whole thing makes a lot more sense when you watch it in reverse.

The slightly scary advert above has been playing on Channel 4 for a few weeks now, in order to draw attention to Derren Brown’s latest TV show ‘The Events’, which starts at 9pm on the 9th September (yes, that’s 9pm on 9/9/9).

Through repeated viewings, we’ve tried to pick up on the dozens of blink-and-you’ll-miss-it-moments (the writing on the front of the lorry, the numbers on the lamp post, the ‘zero’ on the back of the man hailing a taxi), while trying to ensure that we are not subliminally tricked into buying tickets for Derren Brown tours for the rest of our natural lives.

We were particularly intrigued by the backwards Manchester Utd billboard, advertising retsehcnaMdetinU.com. As expected, it leads to a backwards Red Devils homepage, which appears as meaningless as the other website in the advert, stucktomysofa.com.

Aroused further by

Vince Grella is the latest victim of aggressive burglary

In light of the antics of the Liverpool FC cat burglar, the ram-raid attack on Jermaine Pennant’s mansion and the assault on Darren Fletcher’s home, the prospect of being a rich Premiership footballer living in Cheshire, Manchester or Merseyside is becoming less attractive.

Blackburn’s Vince Grella is the latest victim of a burglarisation in the north-west, thanks to a knife-wielding gang who made off with his jewellery and gaz guzzling car.

Incredibly, the Aussie midfielder has become the seventeenth Premier League armed robbery victim in less than three years. The Sun reports:

Four masked thugs burst through the door of his £1million house, threatened him with a blade and demanded jewellery and watches.Stunned Grella, 29, then saw the mob swipe his car keys and speed away in his BMW 4×4.

The latest transfer gossip, rumours and damned lies…

Sulleyman Muntari to Tottenham
While Jose Mourinho tries to persuade Wesley Sneijder to come to Italy via text message, ‘Arry is keen to bring the midfielder to the Lane. He will offer Jermaine Jenas and £5m in return, say The Sun.

The Spoiler truth-o-meter: Redknapp wants to sign a former player? That can’t be true…

Arjen Robben to Bayern Munich
It seems that Manchester Utd have failed in their attempts to land the crocked Dutchman,