Stars want house neighbours describe as ‘offensive and brutal’

Having already put his prized collection of high-powered motors up for sale on Autotrader, Cristiano Ronaldo is now taking offers on his £4.5m, seven-bed Alderley Edge love palace.

According to The Sun, some of Manchester’s newest residents have been alerted to its availability and are now furiously scrapping it out in order to get their hands on the deeds. Megabucks City signings Emmanuel Adebayor, Gareth Barry and Carlos Tevez have all put bids on the table, along with Man United newbie Antonio Valencia. We imagine the estate agents will pretend they never received Tevez’ fax, considering the state he left his last digs in.

Way out in front though, is Kolo Toure, who has used his petrodollar pocket money to tear off a cheque for £5.5m. The final price may end closer close to £6m once the winning bidder has paid to clear out CR7’s collection of Ricky Martin bootlegs, empty Zovirax boxes and used Spanish models.