Had a kip

Granted, Friday’s World Cup draw wasn’t the most invigorating television, as Charlize Theron played “Magician’s Assistant” to Fifa general secretary Jerome Valcke, in an attempt to make the process of watching people moving a ball at a time from one pot to another remotely interesting.

But you’d assume that every player around the world would be glued to the thing. Not Wayne Rooney.

Even the sultry presence of a beautiful Oscar winner couldn’t keep the Roonster’s attention span titillated as he ended up slumped down on his bed and completely asleep within minutes - presumably during the bit where Valcke attempted to explain exactly how the draw works.

“I laid down on my bed to watch the draw on TV and fell asleep”

Rather fittingly, it was something of a dream draw for England, although Rooney has expressed his concerns about the gum-chewers who prefer to play a game called “soccer”.

“I saw USA beat Spain in the Confederations Cup. That will be a difficult game.”

He yawned.