It’s a hat, Alan

Depending on who you are, and where you stand on the matter, news that Alan Shearer isn’t interested in taking the Sheffield Wednesday job will effect people in different ways.

Some might have been praying for the man to take it, if only to clear a regular spot on the MOTD sofa for someone who doesn’t repeat what everyone already knows, only using completely the wrong tenses.

Others - notably the people of Sheffield - may not have been particularly keen to have a man at the helm whose team talks would consist of swaying from side to side, hands in pockets, saying “erm, score a goal”, and then, ”err, score another goal?”.

Either way, the big news from today’s Mirror is that no one need worry, because there is “no truth” in the rumours whatsoever.

He’ll be sticking to his weekend television job, thank you very much.

Not being sarcastic or anything, but that’s just brilliant.