Coming to an inbox near you
The latest despairing rant currently doing the rounds on football message boards up and down the land …
the sad truth:
I take more pleasure in seeing Chelsea lose than I do in seeing QPR win
at the moment.
I sat through so many matches when we were absolute dogs**t under the
likes of Ray Harford and with people like Paul Bruce, Matthew Brazier
and Mark Perry in the squad and I never felt like this.
The club isn’t ours anymore but more so than that - football is just
properly gash these days.
I mean really gash.
football generally.
I hate nearly everything about it these days….
I hate the Prem and the myth that it is exciting this year. Man City
breaking into the top four isn’t exciting. They spent loads of money.
It’s no more exciting that Nameless C*** getting to number 1 in the
charts after winning the X-Factor.
I hate the myth of Arsene’s kids. Buying some French kid when he’s 17,
playing him in the League Cup and then selling him when he’s 20 after
about 3 appearances in the league is NOTHING SPECIAL.
I hate hearing about Liverpool/Man Utd’s debt but nothing ever happening
about it. A club needs to go to the wall for the money thing to change
but it doesn’t happen. Why the **** are Charlton, Leeds and Southampton
still in business?
I hate Frank Lampard’s stupid f’ing face. I hate that Joe Cole’s tongue
is never in his mouth, the downsy spacker. I hate John Terry being
England captain when he’s CLEARLY AN OAF.
I hate the England team.
I hate young exciting wingers who have nothing but pace. Tony Scully had
nothing but pace.
I hate the FA Cup. There may be little shocks like last night but for
the most part you know who’s going to win it. Unless a team throws away
all their financial security to win it a la Pompey.
I hate Harry f’ing Redknapp. And Jamie Redknapp. And Louise Redknapp.
And the Wii.
I hate James Nesbitt, Eammon Holmes and f***ing everyone.
I hate Gary Lineker and Alan Shearer.
I hate Garth Crooks.
I hate Garth Brooks for that matter.
I hate Sky Sports.
I hate that when a lower league player beats 10 players and chips the
keeper it doesn’t matter but if Rooney scores from more than 20 yards
it’s amazing.
I hate that everything football related has to have ‘Club Foot’ playing
behind it.
I hate that female sports journos are now mandatory.
I hate Mark Lawrensen for not coming out. ‘I do like a big man at the
back’. I bet you do.
I hate any advert that portrays football to be about anything other than
pain and disappointment.
I hate any advert that mentions pies at football.
I hate Lee Hughes and the fact that he makes a living from the game. I
hate Marlon King and any team that signs him when he gets out. I hate
that it’ll probably be us.
I hate Phil Brown.
I hate ‘well the ball is a lot lighter now and will cause goalkeepers
real problems this summer’ before EVERY F’ING TOURNAMENT.
I hate that Kieron Dyer earned more in the time I took to write this
post than I’ll earn this month.
I hate Adrian Durham, Ian Wright and Alan Brazil.
I hate Gazza. Either die or shut up. Stop f’ing lingering.
I hate hearing about Hillsborough more than I hear about Heysel or
Bradford.
I hate that a comeback from 4-0 down at half time (TWICE) means nothing
because we aren’t f’ing scouse.
I hate Leeds.
I hate Roy Keane.
I hate grown men wearing football shirts of their team whilst shopping
on a saturday when their team is playing at home.
I hate that I don’t hate Roy Hodgson.
I hate Jermaine Beckford and any player who has neck tattoos.
I hate songs being inappropriately taken as club anthems and then sung
in a manly way. ‘I’m forever blowing bubbles….’. Gaylords.
I hate Danny Dyer and anyone he’s ever interviewed.
I hate the book ‘Cass’ by Cass Pennant. It is honestly the stupidest
thing I’ve ever read. Chapter 1: Millwall. ‘Yeah we took 50 to Millwall.
They had 1000 in their mob but we ran ‘em up and down the street’.
Chapter 2: Liverpool. ‘Yeah we took 50 to Liverpool. They had 2000 in
their mob but we ran ‘em up and down the street’. Fk me… Jade Goody’s
autobiography is probably better. Even her non-ghost written one.
I hate that all good youngsters end their careers at Spurs before they start.
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25 responses so far
1 David // Jan 21, 2010 at 4:02 pm
I hate that I don’t hate Roy Hodgson.
Brilliant! Dude is class, impossible to hate Roy.
2 Squelch // Jan 21, 2010 at 4:05 pm
Best rant ever.
But if he thinks he’s got it bad, try being a Pompey fan.
3 Karim // Jan 21, 2010 at 4:33 pm
put yourself in a Liverpool fans shoes mate..
4 Tim // Jan 21, 2010 at 4:37 pm
I hate this guy
/obligatory
5 Tim // Jan 21, 2010 at 4:37 pm
@karim, I’d have to steal some first.
6 Mouse // Jan 21, 2010 at 4:41 pm
I hate the fact that my Boyfriend and his mate told me that my campy (Lee “the god” Camp) was rubbish, and now they are wishing he was back at Rangers…
7 karim // Jan 21, 2010 at 4:57 pm
@Tim, you gona steal some shoes? lol
I hate the fact that Fegie gets away with everything.
I hate the fact that 7+minutes are added at OT,if MU is loosing/drawing and Fergie complains not enuf time being added
I hate the fact everything Rafa says is a rant according to the media
I hate the fact i hate lots of things
and who the f** are QPR Queer park rags?
8 Darren // Jan 21, 2010 at 5:02 pm
He’s talking out of his arse. Like he’s going to turn down Louise Redknapp at five to two on a Saturday morning down the local Roxy’s.
9 Benny Horrocks // Jan 21, 2010 at 7:18 pm
Well why don’t you f*ck off and take up bowls then, you boring c*nt.
10 Tony // Jan 21, 2010 at 7:25 pm
absolute classic, every word spot on..
Karim.. seriously stop jumping on the ‘fergie time’ bandwagon..
why dont you actually watch a game at old trafford and let me know when you actually see ‘7′ mins stoppage time.
Plenty of the big teams get 4-5 mins of stoppage time but it goes unoticed just because its not at old trafford..
n ferguson has just had a touchline ban, he does run his mouth alot often looks elsewhere for excuses when united underperform which he shouldnt,
but when he steps outa line he is punished like most the majority of prem managers…
11 melo // Jan 22, 2010 at 6:46 am
@tony
It has nothing to do with jumping on a bandwagon, it is simply the truth, it has happened so many times and weren’t there 7 mins added when they played city? And why is it that ferguson is always so friendly with the sideline officials as if they knew each other for so long?
12 DRS // Jan 22, 2010 at 8:29 am
“I hate that everything football related has to have ‘Club Foot’ playing” Haha, too true.
13 Squelch // Jan 22, 2010 at 8:40 am
@karim
Put myself in a Liverpool fan’s shoes? Are you fucking blind? One of their players is worth the sum of my club and his sale could wipe out our debt in one go.
14 Knicker snatcher // Jan 22, 2010 at 10:16 am
@melo They was 7 mins injury time you moron, it was proved.
15 Bokolis // Jan 22, 2010 at 3:22 pm
A lot of misdirected energy there, but still love the rant.
I’m not saying that she’s the fittest bird on the island, but who among us is in a position to be turning down Louise Redknapp at any time of day?
It’s a widely held perception that, since rednose gets more than his fair share of refereeing decisions, so he’d do well to zip it when he gets the odd shafting. Personally, when given 5 minutes of stoppage time, I don’t give a fuck what it was, you shouldn’t be pissing and moaning about wanting more.
16 lukeeee thomas // Jan 22, 2010 at 3:30 pm
LEE CAMP IS SHIT. ONE SEASON WONDER, FAT LUMP! ENGLAND HAHA HE WILL NEVER EVER EVER EVER PLAY FOR ENGLAND SENIOR TEAM HES SHIT, PAUL SMITH IS BETTER THAN HIM, BLACKSTOCK IS OK BIT WEIRD SELLING HIM TBH QPR JUST HAVE NOT GOT ONE QULAITY PLAYER, STRIKERS R POOR, SO R MIDFIELDERS AND DEFENCE, CERNY HAS NOT PLAYED AS WELL ASLAST YEAR. AND BUZSAKY WILL NEVER EVER MAKE IT AS A PREM PLAYER, HES SHIT!
17 Gav THTC // Jan 22, 2010 at 4:48 pm
I hate the fact that new Chelsea fans don’t seem to remember that QPR were not only rivals, but also used to piss on them on the regular.
I also hate that footballers consider it ok to promote cancer-ridden burgers and Pepsi-fucking-cola to children because every other prick does it.
As for the Man U comment about their not receiving special treatment with injury time minutes, some of us remember 8 or 9 minutes of time added on during the penultimate home game of the 1995/96 until those cheating scum bags managed to score to practically relegate Rangers and win the league at Loftus Road.
I hate Gary lineker for selling Walkers (Wankers) crisps, even though his kid had cancer.
I especially hate Alan shearer, but I do enjoy hating him. It makes me feel better.
18 tony // Jan 22, 2010 at 6:04 pm
’simply the truth?’ very convincing, wel wen was last time 7 mins stopage time as given to united then?,, the city game?
as ‘knicker snatcher said it has been proved.. ther were 5 mins against city, bellamy scored on 90 n celebrations went on for a minute, ther was a sub adding 30 secs and owen scored 6.27 mins in..
n ye ferguson is a winging bast, but so is arsene, so is rafa, so is ‘arry rednknapp 99% of managers are..
jus as like the original post people are more concerned about whats goin on at united than ther own clubs…
19 Joe // Jan 22, 2010 at 8:24 pm
I hate that QPR ’supporters’ feel it’s ok to boo the team at Loftus Rd whenever things aren’t going ‘according to plan’ on the pitch…
First off - according to who’s plan? Fans’ expectations are FAR too high to begin with. We may have BEEN a big club, but we are aren’t anymore. The only way to ensure getting back to the ‘big time’ is surely by supporting the team in a positive manner when things aren’t going right.
Believe it or not - booing DOES affect the players, and can only have a detrimental effect on the performance, not a positive one.
This has been proven time & time again down Loftus Rd, with proven (good) players looking shocking because of an absence of confidence - but do you blame them for having no confidence when you’ve got 5,ooo odd quintessential planks booing them on a regular basis.
I also hate the fact that these same complete morons still have the audacity to chirp up when “loyal supporters” get’s sung…
20 Cristiano Ronaldo // Jan 23, 2010 at 3:16 am
I hate that he doesn’t hate me.
21 venga malaga // Jan 23, 2010 at 9:31 am
I LOVE that ronaldo post
22 melo // Jan 23, 2010 at 9:48 am
@tony .. is not only added time issues its also dodgy ref decisions that end up screwing other clubs in the end .. and for the most part opposing fans can give two shits about united unless their club is getting screwed over by refs at old trafford so get your head out of your ass the league doesnt revolve around united you self centered pricks
23 Tony // Jan 23, 2010 at 4:24 pm
honestly dont remember saying the league revolves around united,
what pisses me off is people constantly talking about whats goin on at united,
your saying you couldnt give two shits about united, unless you gettin ’screwed over’..bless…. but yet you take time out of your day to come on sites n winge about united?
24 melo // Jan 23, 2010 at 11:00 pm
“jus as like the original post people are more concerned about whats goin on at united than ther own clubs…”
You obviously think we spend 24/7 thinking about united, I just replied to one of your comments defending man u I didn’t go out of my way to bad mouth them .. This is the last time I comment on this post
25 Legless Lenny // Jan 29, 2010 at 5:25 pm
The stewards, you never said anything about the bastard stewards who stand in front of you as a penalty is about to be taken and moan when you tell em to piss off out the way!