Don’t worry, no need for translation

It seems that the Terry/Bridge debacle has crossed the many oceans that separate England from the rest of Europe, and it’s big news. So much so, that this Italian “Beadle” thought he’d present the ex-England skipper with a much-needed rubber Johnny.

It’s for your penis, JT.

Man blowtorches Carling Cup medallion

So here it comes, the first big cup final of the season. Or, more realistically, the chance for a team outside the Big Four to grab an early European spot to ensure a rather less irksome end to the campaign.

Fact fans will be interested to note that Villa have won four of their five League Cup meetings against Man United, and are only second to Liverpool in terms of winning the whole competition - five times, to Liverpool’s seven.

Plus, of course, United will be without Rio Ferdinand (back problems) and their talisman Ryan Giggs (gammy arm), so, on balance, the defending champions might be the ones with the bigger of the two mountains to climb.

But who do YOU think will win the thing? Let is know with a vote and a comment.

Also appearing on a computer near you

Warm up for the weekend’s drinking with Supermax!

Ten English players essential for the World Cup

[Daily Mail]

Carling Cup final preview

[The Telegraph]

Great League Cup finals of old

[The Guardian]

Friday funny stuff from George Carlin (Not Safe for Work)

[Interestment Comedy]

French World Cup costumes revealed!

[Caught Offside]

Weekend betting tips from Andy Gray

[Betfair Football]

Get the Iker Casillas look!

[Kickette]

Good left back related news for Capello!

[Football Fancast]

Ah yes, very droll…

(Courtesy of Spoiler reader, Rob Field)

“Noooooooooooo!”

Yes, it’s happened. Portsmouth have gone into administration, and with nine points docked from their handful of beans at the bottom of the league, basically they’re toast.

The real kick in the knackers will come at the weekend, when they players are set to board a budget airline to take them to their Burnley encounter.

These are sad times indeed, not least for that bell-ringing loony who has a big decision to make - years of extensive laser removal surgery? Or an even bigger bell? Championship teams, get ready for the crazy.

Walcott - prim

It’s weird, some sportsmen/women are absolutely brilliant at what they do, but something about their vibe just doesn’t quite cut it.

This is a condition formerly dubbed “Sally Gunnell Syndrome”, “Tim Henman Syndrome”, for a window in the 1990s it was briefly referred to as “Michael Atherton Syndrome”. And, up until very recently, it was commonly considered to be “Michael Owen Syndrome”.

As syndromes go, it’s not great. It’s now known as “Theo Walcott Syndrome”.

“Catch it!”

Every cloud has a silver lining, just ask the lucky Chelsea fan who took a metallic thud in the face after Chelsea put three past Man United in April 2006.

The thud happened to be Jose Mourinho’s Premier League winner’s medal flying into the crowd - a makeshift missile which (according to Eurosport) sold for £16,800 at auction this week.

Ahhh, such happy times!

Like a big pendulum, most likely shaped like a putrid live footballer’s testicle, attention has now swung from the Cole saga - what will Cheryl do about that unfortunate neck tattoo? - and back into the Bridge/Terry axis of malcontent.

The situation is far from resolved, with both parties still reportedly (according to today’s Daily Mail and Guardian) angry, but for different reasons.