Becker - bean spiller

If card-to-chest holding were an actual sport, Fabio Capello would be up there with the greats - alongside any number of politicians, God him/herself, Derren Brown, the makers of Lost, the character in Reservoir Dogs who won’t spill the beans despite having his ear lopped off. All people who are brilliant at keeping secrets.

Unfortunately for Capello, his image as being football’s Keyser Soze is starting to wane, mainly thanks to the company he keeps.

Earlier in the week, for example, it was discovered that the England boss won’t be tempted elsewhere - not because of his fondness for the England team, but because he absolutely loves playing golf.

And now, Boris Becker has waded in like a glasses-less Chris Evans lugging the head of Osama Bin Laden to clumsily throw his feelings about the mysterious gentleman into the mix.

As reported by the around-the-clock journalists at the Press Association, the magnificent German said this:

“I understand why the players are a little bit afraid of him because he’s a very serious guy who doesn’t joke around much.”

“We talked about goalkeepers and Capello was just smiling so we didn’t get into that.”

At this rate, it’s surely only a matter of time before Mrs Capello emerges from the shadows to describe exactly how her husband takes his breakfast.

Is nothing sacred any more?