Make no mistake about it, from now until June, the rumblings of World Cup excitement will slowly escalate, until eventually people will simply have to drop to their knees in the middle of busy shopping parades to let out shrill primal screams, or beat their chests until they can finally relax, let it all out, and get back to shopping.
In some cases, old women will actually punch people in the face.
So, in the spirit of getting the nation’s juices flowing, above is a little clip from the 1986 World Cup, which found a very young oily-legged Gary Lineker doing what he used to do best.
Showbiz desks have been left agog today with news that the actress Katherine Heigl (pronounced “Hi girl!”) suffered a textbook “triple cringe” at an awards show. One of the straps broke on her beautiful red dress! Thankfully, she was alert enough to prevent an airing of the full boob.
Over on the sports desk, financial stories have been flying in thick and fast, and here’s what we know today thanks to all of the most urgent newspapers (The Daily Mail, Mirror, Sun etc…):
As anyone who loves awards shows will tell you, there is such a thing as a foregone conclusion. That’s why actors and actresses tend to take to the stage, whimper something about how they “really weren’t expecting this”, before reciting an astonishingly detailed speech about their co-workers and loved ones.
It’s a trick known in the movie trade as “forced humility”, or “pretend shock”. Something that the gentlemen of Barcelona could do with practicing, should they make it to the Champions League final.
It’s a double whammy of big European draws today. First there was the glitz and glamour of the Champions League one, followed by the rather more muted affair of the Europa League.
The big news being that an all-England final is a very real possibility!
And so it’s happened. It was another glitzy affair, definitely up there with some of the most spectacularly entertaining Champions League draws of the last few years, including overblown montages, and an awkward conversation between Gianni Infantino and Emilio Butragueno - who, by the way, sounds rather like Christopher Walken when he speaks.
Deliberately attempting to get sacked isn’t as easy as it sounds. It’s a gradual process, which begins with a few late starts in a row, then slowly escalates through two hour lunches, flat refusal to attend meetings, then openly drinking pints at your desk. Even then, it might just be a written warning.
That’s when the violence starts.
One man really putting his back into his own “Project: Get Sacked” is Albert Riera at Liverpool. Just yesterday, it was reported that he’d been openly bitching about Rafa Benitez during an interview, and now it seems that he’s gone to Phase 2 - going berserk in training.
For those of you far to busy sloshing back massive glasses of red wine, whilst singing tearfully along with Nick Drake records to realise that there was football on television, you missed one of the goals of the season in the Fulham match. Highlights are above.
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