YouTube spoofers take four days to react to club takeover

The man speaking appears to be Indian and of absolutely no resemblance to Dr Sulaiman Al-Fahim, but we won’t let that get in the way of a good time.

WC Qualifier, Sat, 7pm, Setanta Sports 1, Free £30 bet

Forget “five reasons England will win” - it’s unthinkable that they’ll do anything but. Instead, the best way to make money is on the correct score market. Odds of 11/2 are available on England winning 3-0 and here are five reasons why that is a good bet, courtesy of our friends at chickendinner:

1. Andorra won’t score. They have gone ten home tournament qualifiers without scoring a goal.

2. Six of England’s last nine victories have come by a 3-0 scoreline.

3. England’s last away game against Andorra,

Also appearing on a computer near you…

Find out how to bet on the goals market for the Andorra/ England match by visiting this natty little page at Betfair

Boris Becker’s latest wardrobe faux pas
[Polite Applause]

An unpleasant video for fans of birds
[Grid Crasher]

Bild talk to Mario Gomez about his huge offer from Manchester City
[Bild]

Aussie rules footballers find new ways to be extremely inappropriate in public
[WithLeather]

Video: Robinho isn’t quite sure who he plays for
[The Offside]

Proof that even men in tank tops can win over fabulous ladies

Long before he possessed a PGA Tour card, golfer David Toms managed to bag himself a top class WAG. Now that the American pro has enjoyed many years in the top ten rankings, we have been treated to numerous outing by his wife Sonya. Such is her beauty that golf club managers seem to have no problem with her blatant disregard for dress code rules.

Uruguayan leading the race for Geordie hotseat

The list of candidates to replace Kevin Keegan ranges from the very popular - Alan Shearer - to the hugely unpopular - Dennis Wise. Right now though, it’s Tottenham assistant Gus Poyet who is favourite to get the job.

Here’s a rundown of the current contenders, courtesy of the handsome devils at chickendinner:

Gus Poyet
Can someone really go from being assistant manager of Leeds in League One to manager of Newcastle in less than a year? The bookies seem to think so. Poyet worked with Dennis Wise at Elland Road and many believed that his departure had a greater impact on the club’s promotion bid.

Alan Shearer
The former Newcastle striker would probably be the most popular choice with the fans but Shearer is thought to be reluctant to take charge at this point in time. While it would take some of the heat off Mike Ashley in terms of his relationship with the fans, this appointment would be a huge risk.

Dennis Wise
If Shearer would win a popularity contest between the candidates then there is no doubting that Ratboy would lose it. The highlight of his managerial career so far was taking Millwall to the 2004 FA Cup Final. Last year he got Leeds off to a great start in League One but it is argued that Poyet was really pulling the strings. Observe:

Wise with Poyet: P13 W11 D2 L0
Points per Game: 2.69

Wise without Poyet: P15 W7 D3 L5
Points per Game: 1.6

Didier Deschamps
The BBC claim that Deschamps

…then check out Roque Santa Cruz’s Paraguayan strike partner!

Don’t let the gut and ill-fitting jeans fool you - the man in the picture above is a professional football player. Club America’s Salvador Cabañas has been blighted by poor form and an injury of late, but the 28-year-old Paraguayan’s fortunes on the lady circuit have clearly never been better. Yet his success with the type of girls who will happily get naked in a bar probably isn’t down to studying ‘the game’ with Portuguese man-o’-sex Cristiano Ronaldo, but rather his wise decision to shave off his trademark ponytail.

[Machochip]

Was the Geordie Messiah right to leave the club at this stage?

Following the announcement that King Kev has abdicated from his throne, one despairing Newcastle fan has gone as far as throwing his shirt and season ticket into the Tyne, in anger at the club’s board. A less vocal section of the fanbase, however, feels disappointed at KK’s decision to abandon the ship he loves so dearly - one Newcastle forum user remarks:

I’m not going to be very popular for saying this at all, but irrespective of the situation Keegan has walked out on us at the first hurdle.

So, should Newcastle fans point their fingers solely at the board, or feel a little let down by the perceived lack of tenacity of their revered leader? Votes and comments below, please.

Newcastle executive is a stand-up guy, according to himself

In case you didn’t know, Dennis Wise - the chap who Alex Ferguson said “could start a fight in an empty house” - is a thoroughly upstanding citizen who is adored by fans across the nation for his refusal to acquiesce to demands of the the money men. That is, according to the jacket of his 1999 autobiography:

In an age when football is dominated by glamorous foreign players chasing multi-million-pound contracts from club to club, Dennis Wise represents the traditions of team loyalty, dogged determination and fighting spirit.

It is perhaps this, as well as his charmingly irascible nature, that makes Dennis - Wisey to his teammates and fans - such an enduringly popular player.

‘Enduringly popular’? Leicester, Leeds and Newcastle fans would probably disagree…

That’s neither the time nor the place for a testicular check-up

Before their impromptu exit from Euro 96, Scotland defeated Switzerland 1-0. Perhaps if Colin Calderwood and co had spent less time groping the opposition, they would have made it to the knockout stage.

Click here to see the full Sporno gallery

Newcastle owner lives up to fans’ opinion