Don’t worry Big Eck, we still think you’re special. (Not really.)

Language barrier a problem for Sami Khedira and Mesut Özil

Jose Mourinho had a Real Madrid debut he’d probably rather forget on Sunday, after a summer’s worth of ‘The Special One’ buzz culminated in a damp squib of a 0-0 draw, away to Real Mallorca.

Questions were asked, none more loudly than why star signing Mesut Ozil and his German compatriot Sami Khedira started on the bench. Of course, Mourinho had answers - although they were quite sad ones really.

*tuts disapprovingly*

Remember the spate (well, two or three) of women’s college football brawls that broke out in the US towards the end of last year? Those were good times, no?

Oregon Ducks’ Mercedes Walters obviously thought so, as she singlehandedly tried to start a pitch-fight revival by attacking Oklahoma State’s Kyndall Treadwell in a match on Friday night.

[spotted on Dirty Tackle]

27-year-old given the all clear for White Hart Lane move

Tottenham Hotspur fans will have been waiting to hear this all day… within the last few minutes the Premier League have ratified Rafael van der Vaart’s £8m transfer from Real Madrid.

Quotes from the midfielder on his new move here.

That’ll be the last Spurs post today, promise.

P.S. Sylvie van der Vaart, The Spoiler welcomes you to the Premier League. We’ll be happy to show you around, drop us a line.

Also appearing on a computer near you…

AC Milan present Robinho in his kids’ XXS sized shirt

Remember this? Now look at what’s happened to Nick Bendtner
[The Sun]

Sol Campbell is HUGE.
[Daily Mail]

Balon de Oro winner Javier Hernandez, emitting a Sapphic aura. Just sayin’
[ONTD Football]

England pointlessly launch (another) kit
[Mirror Football]

Michael Kightly is officially the first casualty of the 25-man rule
[Caught Offside]

Jose clears up any confusion: “I’m not Harry Potter”
[Telegraph]

Brazilian ball-winner appears, two weeks late

With everyone at Tottenham waiting with bated breath to see if Rafael van der Vaart’s last-minute transfer will be ratified, the unveiling of another one of the club’s summer signings, Brazilian defensive midfielder Sandro, has slightly flown under the radar.

Harry Redknapp, however, will have been casting an especially beady eye over proceedings, after being particularly unimpressed that the 21-year-old missed his original arrival date… by a fortnight.

Er… was Arsene Wenger’s mobile going to voicemail then?

Ex-Arsenal zombie Alexander Hleb’s season-long move to Birmingham yesterday was only made possible after Brum gaffer Alex McLeish presented unconvinced work permit officials with a letter of recommendation - from Sir Alex Ferguson.

The Spoiler can only assume that, by then, a goalkeeperless Arsene Wenger had already gone into hiding.

Dutch playmaker ‘very proud’ of last minute coup

Tottenham Hotspur almost-signing Rafael van der Vaart has told press he is still in shock, but ‘totally happy’ about yesterday’s last-second transfer deadline deal, which could take the Real Madrid midfielder to White Hart Lane for just £8m.

Spurs are currently appealing to the Premier League for ’special dispensation’ in an attempt to push the transfer through, with a question mark over whether the necessary documents were submitted before the 6pm deadline, however Van der Vaart appears to be already packing his bags.