WAGs get involved in ‘boozy slanging match’, but which is better?

Last night confirmed two things: 1. When one hundred thousand people want you to miss a simple penalty, you will miss it, and 2. Even women fight on Saint George’s Day.

Supposedly out enjoying a gentle birthday drink with her boyfriend Peter Crouch, The Sun reports that it wasn’t long before gorgeous Abbey Clancy was completely drunk out of her mind and screaming at Aisleyne from Big Brother - Aisleyne being the current blonde dodging the red laser dot of Jermain Defoe’s sexual advances.

“I can’t believe Abbey Clancy was trying to fucking start with you,” snorted one of Aisleyne’s pals, as Clancy stumbled along the street, muttering to herself like a total loon.

But let us not get distracted by such lowbrow tittle tattle, and instead focus on the warring beauties. In the one corner is Horgan-Wallace (below), big of breast, blonde hair presumably from a bottle - she speaks

Girls, turn away now. Abbey has made a serious headband faux pas here, one that you could never get away with. Yes, she is brave with her fashion, often “fierce” if sometimes a bit “too commercial” (thanks America’s Next Top Model), but even the greatest models of them all (Crawford, Banks, Fox, Dawn Mckenzie) wouldn’t be able to pull this one off. Crouch, have a word. Abbey, think about your wardrobe. Make it work for you.

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After a good game at the weekend, Peter Crouch is under no illusions as to whether he’ll be folding his tall frame onto the subs bench for the big Champions League clash against Arsenal - “he is more likely to go with Fernando,” he shrugged after the weekend match, presumably totally correctly.

The nation’s finest WAG wants you to smell better

It’s been more than two weeks since we last saw Abbey Clancy, but that’s far too long for The Spoiler’s most popular supporting lady. Mrs Peter Crouch is back today to make us aware of a certain vowel-less gentleman’s deodorant brand - check out the rest of the new pictures after the jump.

Here’s a scary fact: if you do any form of exercise for long enough, it starts to burn. Burn real deep. Even if you’re pumping iron with cotton wool buds, give it a few hours and you’ll have worked up a sweat.

Which goes some way to explaining why Abbey Clancy can no longer take the strain of a couple of perfectly light shopping bags (pictured). For years she’s been parading the streets of Liverpool with eight trendy designer bags up each arm, a couple hanging from her neck and a few attached to her earrings. But now, she may be nearing the crippling WAG-state known as “shopped out”.

Looks like someone needs a HOLIDAY.

A nation mourns as Crouch’s girl hangs up her lingerie for good

Some WAGs DANIELLE LLOYD may be accused of using a relationship with a footballer DANIELLE LLOYD to enhance their career, but the opposite is true of loved-up Liverpudlian Abbey Clancy - she announced today that she is to quit lingerie modelling to be with lanky partner Peter Crouch. Abbey was preparing to take her career to the next stage in LA, but then realised it would be much more convenient to stay here and not do anything at all:

“I had a really big decision to make - whether to stay in Liverpool or enhance my modelling career in LA. Obviously I really love modelling and I’d love to make it big. But it’s not a decision which can be made overnight and my life is fulfilled with my relationship - my modelling career is a bonus. I’m happy with Peter and that’s enough for me.”

How to become a WAG: Lesson Two - Knickers

Forget what you’ve seen in the movies, not all women wear good pants. In fact, slap yourself in the face and come back to Earth - hardly any of them do. There is one special set which looks fantastic, but that’s kept in a platinum safe, and she’ll be damned if they’re worthy of you. Unless, of course, she’s a sexy young WAG. These girls really know their knickers.

Premier League stars head to the city of romance for Valentines Day

In a pre-Valentines Day surprise, Peter Crouch whisked his WAG off to Paris yesterday. Pete tried to fit in the fashion capital with a trendy scarf, while Abbey Clancy donned a thoroughly French black and white striped jumper. She must’ve left her beret and string of onions in the hotel.

Peter Crouch’s WAG isn’t a fan of Blood Brothers

If he were dead, playwright Willy Russell would be spinning in his grave following Abbey Clancy’s performance on the opening night of Blood Brothers at Liverpool’s Empire Theatre.

According to a Daily Star reader, Peter Crouch’s lady turned up at the theatre and proceeded to