Keith Wyness has mysteriously disappeared into the Mersey night

In December 2004, a few months after Chief Exec of Aberdeen FC Keith Wyness was poached by Everton, the blue side of Mersey reinvigorated their plans to leave Goodison Park for a 50,000 out-of-town stadium complex in Kirkby.

The rotund Scot, who also voiced approval over the 39th Premier League game, was instrumental in the controversial relocation plans, but last night he caught Everton off guard and handed in his resignation. Obviously still in shock, the Toffees’ official site was only capable of mustering a single sentence on the subject:

Everton Football Club wishes to announce that Keith Wyness has resigned his position as Chief Executive Officer and director of the Club.

Many fans fear that his resignation indicates the plush Kirkby stadium, which could be used in the World Cup 2018 (should we be chosen to host), will no longer happen. Others who have been speculating on Everton’s deathly silence in the transfer market and who support the ‘Keep Everton In Our City’ will no doubt be delighted that Wyness has waddled off into the sunset.

Striker fails to trim down during summer of excess

It’s obviously a slow news day, as the two big stories in the papers are Rio Ferdinand’s Stamford Bridge steward kicking incident (which happened three months ago) and Wayne Rooney’s expanding waistline. The Sun claim the Manchester Utd striker’s summer of laying stagnant in a pool, emerging only to drink and eat fast food, has had a serious effect on his physique. He looked a bit portly in a friendly against Aberdeen this weekend, but wasn’t he always a little more rotund than is desirable for a professional footballer?

If you want to see a striker who has really been piling it on, check out this guy:

Ronaldo, whose contract with AC Milan ended two weeks ago, is pictured testing the tensile strength of a yacht in Ibiza. It looks like he and pregnant WAG Bia Anthony are really enjoying the local cuisine…