Because nothing says you’re enjoying yourself quite like an obviously staged picture on a construction site

[Photo taken from the Manchester City OS. Click it to get a closer look at the sincerity]

Nouveau riche club treats its employees with some lavish bling

To thank Carlos Tevez for all his hard work and dedication to Manchester City over the past three or four days, the clubs grotesque generous owners have rewarded him with a limited edition Franck Muller watch, worth a mere £168,000.

The wet dog-alike wasn’t the only one to get the star treatment though - the entire City team were presented with the luxury timepiece while visiting Sheikh Mansour in Abu Dhabi yesterday. The squad were reportedly “treated like royalty” during an aptly-named royal reception at the Sheikh’s palace, after which they checked in at the rather swanky Emirates Palace Hotel.

The Franck Muller watches are a very grand gesture, but one that is fatally flawed: Premier League footballers who are renowned for their tendency to constantly out-do one another in terms of cars, women and jewellery are hardly going to be happy about wearing exactly the same watch as everyone else on their team.

Entrepreneur relieved of duties at company he started

Dr Sulaiman Al-Fahim - the man who was once thought to own Manchester City even though he apparently has nothing to do with them - is facing a spot of bother in the United Arab Emirates.

The man who is expected to take the reins at Portsmouth in a £60m deal has been relieved of his position of CEO of Hydra Properties, one of Abu Dhabi’s leading property developers.

Al-Fahim - pictured above with an old lady and her grandson - has been “promoted” (read: “demoted”) to as directorial position at Hydra, as one of the firm’s biggest projects is on the brink of collapse. The Hydra Village, a project consisting of 2,500 luxury villas, was due to be completed this year, but it is currently two years behind schedule. Understandably, some investors are concerned, including this one who spoke to The Sun:

“The Hydra Village project has been a disaster and I genuinely fear I will never see my money again.

“I would treat anything Al-Fahim says with a great deal of suspicion.”

It doesn’t appear that this messy situation or his links to Manchester City will jeopardise his eligibility for club ownership, but it doesn’t reflect particularly well on Sir David Richards, the Premier League chairman who has given Al-Fahim his endorsement.

Spoiler bonus: Sulaiman Al-Fahim is the UAE’s answer to Alan Sugar, it seems…

Owner’s Sheikh brother in torture video probe

The handsome son of a gun above is Sheikh Issa bin Zayed Al Nahyan, brother of Manchester City owner Sheikh Mansour bin Zayed Al Nahyan. The Arab businessman is currently on the wrong end of an American lawsuit, filed by a former advisor who claims he was tortured. The basis of said lawsuit is a video, depicting Sheikh Issa torturing an Afghan merchant accused of cheating him.

In the video - a small portion of which you can see here - Sheikh Issa and his henchmen hit the Afghan with a plank, pour salt into his wounds, stick a cattle prod where the sun don’t shine, set fire to his genitals with lighter fluid and run him over with a Mercedes SUV.

At one point in the video - which was filmed in 2005 - Sheikh Issa says: “Get closer. Get closer. Get closer. Let his suffering show.”

The UAE Ministry of the Interior have confirmed it was Sheikh Issa in the

The fat out-of-contract one, not the good one

Before the Abu Dhabi investors moved in and expressed an interest in every attacking player they had ever seen on television, Manchester City were linked with Ronaldo (the one who likes tranvestite prostitutes, not regular ones).

In today’s Sun, there are reports that the unemployed Brazilian’s oft-injured knee is nearly back to full strength, and he is keen to reignite talks with the powers that be at Eastlands. Between bites on a gigantic sandwich, he said:

“I’ve been approached by many clubs but if City make their offer again, I’ll consider it.

“I’m strong and I believe in one or two months I’ll be playing at 100 per cent.”

Would City’s squad benefit from the addition of the late nineties legend in January? Or would they be better off utilising their bottomless pit of cash on younger, less rotund talent? Let us know with a comment below…

City may not be the only petro-dollar fuelled team in Manchester for much longer

Today’s Sunday Times features a piece about the investment strategy of the massive Abu Dhabi fund that has recently enabled Manchester City to step out of the shadow of their wealthier and more successful neighbours, and re-brand themselves as the world’s wealthiest club. City’s moments in the sun have historically been rare and short-lived, and this current burst of glory may conform to that same pattern, if the final paragraph of the Times‘ piece is to be believed.

“The only thing that could put a damper on such gloating would be if the gossip circulating this weekend proves to be true. The American owners of Manchester United, so the rumours go, will soon receive an offer to buy the club that they cannot refuse - from the Dubai royal family.”