The Spoiler

Italian Banner of the Season…


…is ‘Thank Goodness we are drunk’ apparently

Thank Goodness we are drunk

The tifosi (oooh, get us) banner has long been a mainstay of Italian football culture, along with flairs and female presenters who aren’t necessarily on television due to their knowledge of the Bari back-line. Such banners have been employed for sinister purposes down the years, as the fascist-leaning clubs use them to ill-effect. Lazio even received a one match ban back in 2001, when their ultras held up a banner aimed at Roma supporters proclaiming, ‘Team of Blacks, stand of Jews.’

More happily, the annual Sandro Ciotti award has just been allocated to Torino fan Eleonora Ingrassia, for the banner he displayed (above) throughout Torino’s relegation campaign, loosely translated as:

 Thank goodness we are drunk

To read the next best three, click below

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Posted: October 20th, 2009 by Eliot Pollak

Harry Redknapp defends Emmanuel Adebayor


The big debate: Treat those who paid for your house with decency or antagonise them?

Adebayor Celebrates

Tough one. Harry Redknapp knows the answer though. Writing in today’s Sun (available online for those who have dramatically ripped up their copy already,) big H makes it clear where he stands. On Adebayor he says:

What on earth was controversial about it?

He took a load of abuse from Arsenal fans, scored against them, ran the length of the pitch to the away end and dropped to his knees as if to say to them ‘I’ve scored, ‘ave some of that’.

I think the FA are wrong to charge him in the first place. But, then again, I think the whole goal celebration issue has got way out of hand.

Whereas Carlos Tevez’s apologetic celebration is lambasted:

Look at Carlos Tevez on Monday night. He scores against his old club West Ham and then says he refused to celebrate because of his love for the club and its supporters.

What a load of old tosh.

I couldn’t for the life of me see why he didn’t want to punch the air in recognition of a goal. Why shouldn’t he?

He should have scored the goal and then celebrated like he wanted to inside.

He has no reason to be on the same side as West Ham fans.

Redknapp puzzlingly concludes:

If you don’t want to score goals, don’t play football.

Redknapp’s verdict is of course nothing to do with the fact that were Adebayor to obtain a further ban, he would miss City’s next match against Aston Villa, who happen to be Spurs big rivals for a Europa League spot.

So what is the verdict readers? Agree with Harry? Or has Tevez demonstrated a better example of how to behave?

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Posted: October 1st, 2009 by Eliot Pollak

Mock the footballers trapped in transfer purgatory


The transfers that just go on and on…

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Ask anyone currently languishing in purgatory between heaven and hell, and they’ll tell you that it’s the not knowing that’s the real killer. At least in hell, they’d actually be doing something, even if it was frantically stoking Satan’s furious fires during a heat wave. But sitting there, staring at the same old copy of Woman’s Own - that’s work. Hence, put on your most mock-sympathetic face for these young sportsmen who have spent their summers totally unable to make plans beyond August.

It could have all been so different…

Cristiano Ronaldo
Who wanted him? Real Madrid
How much? 75 million

Don’t be fooled by his casual smile and summer spent actually cooking his own body, Ronaldo has had one hell of a sunny season. He’s broken up with Nereida Gallardo, the topless young woman who loved him so, and the painfully prolonged transfer saga will have taken its toll. Ronaldo made it perfectly clear, through about a hundred different family sources, that he had always dreamed of running out at the Bernabeu for Real Madrid, but unfortunately for him, Alex Ferguson soon resorted to his prickly, red faced ways and made certain that his No. 7 was staying put. Ronaldo will have to make do with playing for the Premier League and European champions. Never mind.

Dimitar Berbatov
Who wanted him? Manchester United, AC Milan and Barcelona.
How much? 38 million

Spurs’ prized asset has long wanted out of North London - roughly since around his second day of living there. That said, his dream move to the drearier areas of northern England have been scuppered by his angry chairman Daniel Levy pricing him out of the market. Assuming his strike partner Robbie Keane completes a proposed move to Liverpool, the depressed Bulgarian will be plying his trade at White Hart Lane for just a little bit longer. Albeit in a massive huff.

Gareth Barry
Who wanted him?
Liverpool, Arsenal
How much? 18 million

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Posted: July 28th, 2008 by Josh Burt

What’s wrong with you, Arsenal and Spurs players? Can’t take the heat?


North London proves a little bit too edgy for troubled footballers…

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People who survive North London are cut from a different cloth to the average gent. That’s probably why Hleb can’t take it, but the likes of Lehmann, Bergkamp and Amy Winehouse can. They’re just a little bit edgier, and don’t seem to mind that one minute the pavements will be littered with drugs paraphernalia, and the next you’ll be diving out of the way of a speeding Range Rover on a gorgeous cobbled street. It is, in short, testing.

Hence, you’d be hard pushed to find an area in the world that football players seem so eager to escape from - and that includes Wigan.

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Posted: July 21st, 2008 by Josh Burt

Lampard and Lennon set to leave London


Today’s alliterated movers and shakers in the world of soccerball

Jose Mourinho

The papers believe Frank Lampard is one step closer to the European fashion capital because Jose Mourinho has taken five days off his holiday to broker the deal. Yes, that’s a full five days he’s missing from his year-long vacation, so you know he means business.

Cristiano Ronaldo latest
Sir Alex Ferguson’s threat to let Ronaldo rot in the reserves is threatened by a FIFA ruling allowing players to rip up their contracts if they don’t play in 10% of matches. We doubt Fergie will be too scared: he could just play him in the Community Shield, League Cup, a nothing Champions League group game and against Hull and Stoke.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Another stupid FIFA rule that will have little effect on the deal

Italian football to accept Adebayor defeat
AC Milan no longer believe they have a divine right to any Premier League player they want and will give up pursuit of Adebayor after Arsenal rejected an offer. Real Madrid may wish to take note. Dick Advocaat’s announcement that Andrei Arshavin will move to Spain or England won’t do much good for Italy’s ego either.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Kudos to Milan if true

Aaron Lennon to Newcastle
So let’s get this straight. After a massive losing streak, King Kev stumbled

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Posted: June 24th, 2008 by Ryan Bailey

£6.6m for Frank Lampard? Seriously?


All of today’s transfer rumours in one tasty package

Frank Lampard

With the economy in tatters, it now seems that a football team can buy three Frank Lampards for the cost of a Darren Bent. According to The Sun, Inter will bid a measly £6.6m for the Chelsea star, despite the fact that he cost them £11m back in 2001 when everyone thought he was a bit average. Come on, Internazionale, Abramovich has more money than that sitting between his couch cushions.

Cristiano Ronaldo to Real Madrid
Fantastic news: now Portugal are out of Euro 2008, so petulant w(h)inger Ronaldo can start toying with the emotions of the fans who worship him again. We didn’t even get to see him cry first - how unfair!

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: He will announce his intentions this weekend, apparently, but it all depends on whether United let him fulfil his dream of making obscene amounts of money

Jan Koller to Birmingham
Yes, you read that right. One of the most prolific strikers in international football has heard all about the physicality of the Coca Cola Championship and is eager to get himself a piece of the action.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Not even Baros would go to Birmingham right now

Andrei Arshavin or Obafemi Martins to Arsenal
It looks like Arsene Wenger is getting uncomfortable

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Posted: June 20th, 2008 by Ryan Bailey

Transfer Talk: Is Abebayor going Ade-bye-bye?


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Being people who breakfast doesn’t hinder The Spoiler’s progress, in fact, quite the opposite, much can be learnt from a simple trip to a local breakfasterie. Here’s what the people are saying in between sausage and eggs and slurps of finest splosh:

Emmanuel Adebayor to AC Milan or Juventus
Despite lurching around the pitch, accidentally knocking in twenty-one goals as he goes, the animated chat is that the lanky one might be more suited to the slower pace of Italian footie. Arsenal are after something a little more whippet-like for the box, apparently.

Tal Ben Haim to Tottenham

Now that he’s wept to the press, HUMILIATING his handsome manager, who would ever want Tal Ben Haim on their books? In a word, Tottenham Hotspur United.

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Posted: April 22nd, 2008 by Josh Burt

Cristiano Ronaldo breaks limbs, injured fans get angry and female refs get offended


Also appearing on a computer near you…

What the Premier League would look like if refs got all the key decisions right
[rightresult.net]

A Ronaldo volley breaks a fan’s arm
[Machochip]

Video: When injured fans jump off stretchers to punch photographers
[Pies]

If you mock the sex life of a female referee, bad things will happen
[The Offside]

Wenger, Adebayor, Fabregas and van Persie go for Double Orange Mocha Frappuccinos
[Link]

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Posted: April 15th, 2008 by Ryan Bailey