Ronaldo’s new Nike ad

Listening to the various ad execs taking him through their latest idea must have caused something of a tightening in the Cristiano Ronaldo trousers.

“It’ll be you,” they suggest, “but lots of yous.”

“Yous everywhere, in a mirror… working out and that.”

Gentlemen, now you’re talking, Cristiano would think to himself.

After the jump, you can enjoy some of The Spoiler’s favourite ever football ads. Feel free to suggest your own in the comments section…

Who are these mystery men, and what do they want?

As you can probably imagine, The Spoiler inbox is a hotbed of activity - every single day, hours are devoted to skim-reading messages from PR people, promotional companies, perverts looking for online bed partners. And roughly 80 per cent of the time, the “delete” button will be activated to protect Spoiler readers from ever coming into contact with such drivel.

But, every so often, something will speak to us, like REALLY speak to us. Such as an email received earlier this week, shrouded in mystery, promising a top secret, but very “important campaign” that could be covered with “absolutely no charge”.

Unwittingly, these people had hit directly upon two of the site’s most treasured values - “importance”, and “no charge” (or “chargelessness”).

This one was just too good to resist. So, it was with an unusually high level of frenzied excitement that the office received today’s follow-up email, confirming what this mysterious campaign might be. Fresh teas were made, breath was held, “it’s free of charge!” someone shouted.

Die Mannschaft channel Sin City and a bit of Watchmen…

A little less standing around and this could’ve bested classic Nike adverts such as “No! It’s rounder,” and “Au Revoir”. Or at least that’s what The Spoiler called them in primary school.

UPDATE: Having actually watched both Nike adverts again, The Spoiler can confirm they will never be bested, ever.

Real Madrid star should probably stick to the day job

Clearly in need of a little bit of extra cash, Cristiano Ronaldo has agreed to sing in an advert for Banco Espírito Santo, a Portuguese bank.

Is it just us, or is it reassuring to know that there are some things C-Ron isn’t good at?

Yes, it’s a Nike advert, but it’s a good Nike advert

Corinthians striker hawks shaving gear, improves bank balance

After donning a figure-hugging Godzilla outfit in order to promote a South American soft drink, (Fat) Ronaldo is now a spokesperson for a Brazilian razor manufacturer. The Bozzano model boasts five blades, which is the bare minimum required to get around a face as gigantic as his.

[101GG]

Albicelestes start to turn against their Messiah

A hacker operating under the name ‘KKR’ gave the Argentinean football authorities another headache last Friday, as he exposed security lapses in the official AFA website.

Visitors to the site who may have been seeking information information on the hapless South American side were instead treated to a picture of Diego Maradona in a Brazil shirt, with the caption “A picture is worth a thousand words.”

It’s not a Photoshopped image you see, but a still from an advert for a South American soft drink, in which the former recreational drug fan made the extremely regrettable decision to wear the colours of his fierce national rivals. Check out the advert at the bottom of this post.

Even though the security breach occurred last Friday (for the third time, incidentally), the AFA website is still down.

Advert for swooshy sports manufacturer shows Russian’s tenacity

The latest addition to the advertising campaign that previously showed Wayne Rooney’s utter dismay at shaving off what remains of his hair features Arsenal’s Andrei Arshavin.

The Russian meerkat-alike boldly pushes away a physio, summoning the strength and spirit to play through the pain barrier. A poignant and well-timed message from a man who will miss Arsenal’s next three games with a groin strain.