Interweb saboteur gets the better of Scottish scribes

Here’s a cautionary tale for anyone who opens nonchalantly opens email attachments, courtesy of The Telegraph:

One gentleman of the Scottish football press, who shall not be identified, was this week tipped off by a contact that phone camera footage had emerged from the Celtic dressing room of the recent punch-up between Artur Boruc and Aiden McGeady and could be found on a certain website.

The journo involved promptly passed this info to a substantial number of colleagues, most of whom went straight online to witness the fun. They certainly got full-blooded man-on-man action, but in the form of extremely graphic gay male porn.

To make matters worse, the download had a viral element that kept it on screen, despite frantic efforts to erase it. Nor could the desperate scribes turn to their IT departments for help as accessing porno sites is an office no-no.

Which is why the editorial floors of several newspapers were treated to the sight of football writers frantically scrabbling under their desks to disconnect power and communication cables from their PCs before colleagues could leap to wholly erroneous conclusions.

At least, that is the explanation currently being offered by the gentlemen involved.

This morning’s gossip, rumours and damned lies

Just as Fergie was enjoying watching his pre-season mind games unfold, Carlos Tevez has made a bid to increase the old duffer’s blood pressure with comments about C-Ron’s move to Real Madrid. He said: “I understand Cristiano. Every footballer wants to play at Real Madrid,” later adding “if what he seeks is something else, I think that should be respected.” Considering speculation has died down, and more attention is being paid to Ronaldo’s macho dress sense, it’s an odd time for Tevez to go public with his thoughts.

Dimitar Berbatov to AC Milan
On a day that is certain to make Sir Alex Ferguson’s face even redder than normal comes the news that Tottenham will accept a cheaper offer from AC Milan for Berbatov just to make sure that the striker doesn’t wind up at Old Trafford.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Levy clearly means business

Brad Friedel to Aston Villa
The word is that Martin O’Neill has had an offer accepted for the American goalkeeper and the reason Blackburn - whose chairman John Williams recently said “Brad Friedels don’t grow on trees” - are suddenly happy to sell is that they have Paul Robinson waiting in the wings.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: This move probably

Today’s gossip, rumours and damned lies…

The transfer market today may be quieter than the Joey Barton fan mail hot line, but that hasn’t stopped some of the UK’s finest print journalists doing their thang. Let’s kick off today’s speculation with news of everybody’s favourite badly-coiffed Frenchman…

Djibril Cisse to Manchester City or West Ham
Without even factoring wages into the equation, Liverpool made an £8 million loss on Cisse, for which they splashed out over £600,000 for every league goal he scored. Marseille have given the clubs ten days to bid for the player, time which would be better spent running as far away as possible.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Cisse has made no secret of the fact he would like to return

The Frank Lampard saga latest
Remember how we all applauded Chelsea for applying logic and refusing to cave in to Lampard’s demands for a five-year contract? Well it appears that whoever is making the decisions at Stamford Bridge has changed their mind and a five-year deal is now on the table.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Seems like he will stay now. Ronaldo and Barry could learn from Lampard’s handling of the issue

Andy Johnson to Fulham
The Everton striker and occasional England

The Red Devils may have an extra £80m to play with

After exposing the gaps the five London clubs and the Prem newbies need to fill, we have now condiered the manner in which Manchester Utd and Liverpool should redistribute their cash this summer…

Manchester Utd

Top priority:
The best deal for Ronaldo - If he wants out, get shot of him. If United demand big money, Real Madrid are likely to agree and if not, they keep him.
Fergie should demand Wesley Sneijder, who has outperformed Ronaldo at the Euros, in exchange and then use the remaining money to buy another striker.

Fitting the bill: Wesley Sneijder, Dani Guiza, Luis Fabiano, Dimitar Berbatov

Liverpool

Top priority:
A quality winger - Liverpool already boast Gerrard, Mascherano, Alonso, Lucas and Plessis in central midfield so it’s confusing that they make Barry the main priority. Babel is quality, but Kuyt’s a striker and Benayoun and Pennant aren’t good enough.

Fitting the bill: Aiden McGeady, Franck Ribery, Robinho, David Bentley

Spoiler bonus: Here’s who should be on the shopping lists of the other two Merseyside and Manchester clubs…

Everton

Top priority:
A new Lee Carsley -

All of today’s transfer gossip in one neat package

Just last week, Chelsea were confident that they would be signing every big name player in the world - Torres, Ribery, Ronaldinho, Pele, Roy of the Rovers - but now their masterplan is starting to take an unexpected turn. Despite the severe lack of loyalty and pride in the English top flight, it seems that not everyone can be persuaded to switch teams with a huge briefcase of money…

David Villa to Real Madrid or Barcelona
It wasn’t long ago that Villa was declaring Arsenal his dream club, but upon hearing that Chelsea are chasing him, he is so desperate not to join them that he is begging to stay in Spain.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Straight from the free-scoring horse’s mouth

Robin van Persie to Inter Milan
The Dutchman has had a taste of what it feels like to be part of a winning side at Euro 2008 and apparently he’s hungry for more.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Depends if he gets a pay rise

Dimitar Berbatov to Barcelona
The amnesty on Berbatov transfer rumours

All today’s transfers in a scroll down listy thing

Think about it: Italian men always seem to be wearing hair product, they probably look at us and wonder why we don’t bother. Well, riddle over, Italian friends - you obviously haven’t heard of something called rain. It’s a watery substance that Ricardo Carvalho can give a talk on next season when he’s at Inter. Perhaps by way of introduction? Oh, and speaking of transfers…

Ricardo Carvalho to Inter Milan
Like an obedient young robot, wherever Mourinho goes, Carvalho is programmed to follow. Luckily for him, that means paying a visit to the food capital of pizza and chips - Italy.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Who could say no to Jose?

Shaun Wright-Phillips to Portsmouth
Portsmouth are willing to fork out £10 million on Shaun Wright-Phillips, whose only skill is to run fast. Harry, you could get Dwain Chambers for a bag of drugs and a quid.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Likely

People have been doing some serious big talking over the weekend - Jose to Inter, Frank to Inter, Didier to Inter. But, worry not, not everyone is off to Inter. Phil Neville, for example, will probably stay at Everton. And these guys all have one thing in common: they’ re all not going to Inter… yet.

Ashley Young to Chelsea
Time has come to accept that the Shaun Wright-Phillips experiment just isn’t working - he arrived small, quick and unable to pass properly, he will leave small, quick, and unable to pass properly. Only with a bit less confidence. So good work Chelsea. Next on their list of bright young talents to destroy is Aston Villa’s speedster Ashley Young. Don’t do it Ashley!

Steven Gerrard to Chelsea
With Frank Lampard set to resume his sensual love affair with Jose Mourinho, this time with a dreamy Italian backdrop, the Chelsea money may again be hurled into Steven Gerrard’s frowning face. With a couple of their top earners off the squad, Abramovich might even shatter payment records. Don’t do it, Stevie!