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Carlo Ancelotti shows his hidden talent
[101GG]

El Hadji Diouf wants to some across as even more of an arse, so he has bought a Gallas-esque chrome Mercedes
[Daily Mail]

Joey Barton must be pretty happy with how his life is turning out
[The Sun]

A Sydney FC player has been suspended over child sex allegations
[Off The Post]

Fergie dismisses the ‘Tevez could sign for free‘ theory
[The Telegraph]

Video: Someone needs some anger management
[Dirty Tackle]

The official World Cup 2010 song will be really good
[Pies]

Rafa is trying to find Jesus. Spanish attacking midfielder Jesus Fernandez, that is
[The Mirror]

WAG Danielle Lloyd makes her zillionth appearance in Nuts
[On205th]

The crossed arms gesture was not political, just ill-judged

Thanks to The Spoiler’s extensive sleuthing (we read a newspaper), the mystery surrounding Salomon Kalou’s goal celebrations on Wednesday night has been solved.

The crossed arms gesture was not a controversial “shout out” to a friend in the slammer or a show of support for Ivory Coast political activist Antoine Assale Tiemoko, but simply a replication of the design of the Konvict Muzik logo.

For those who aren’t cool (or who didn’t just look it up on Wikipedia), that’s a record label that has fifteen-minutes-of-fame-are-nearly-over electronica artist Lady Gaga on its books, and is owned by Akon.

Kalou met the annoying rapper at a show at the IndigO2 earlier this week, and was presented with a commemorative disc by his American pal.

Spoiler bonus: If you attend an Akon concert, don’t throw stuff at him. His bodyguards will bring you to him and he’ll bodyslam you. He’s that tough…

Footballers denied permission to get their crunk on

Hip hop “stars” Lil Wayne and Akon will be holding a behemoth of a Christmas celebration in Miami, and via their relative fame, Didier Drogba, Nicolas Anelka, El-Hadji Diouf and Djibril Cisse have earned invites.

Unofrtunately, the Premiership stars’ opportunity to parade their astonishing wealth in front of other shamelessly affluent young folks has been denied by Big Phil Scolari and Roy “Buzz Killington” Keane. The “biggest hip hop bash ever thrown” is scheduled for Christmas week, and apparently there are quite a few pesky Premier League games set to scupper the festive plans.

Frankly, this professional obligation is a blessing in disguise for Anelka and Drogba, as anyone who has ever been in a confined space with El-Hadji Diouf will undoubtedly agree.

Playboy bunny trades in wrinkly old goat for NFL star

There aren’t many young models who will happily romance a gentleman who is three-and-a half times her age, but that is exactly what Kendra Wilkinson (23) has done with Playboy mogul Hugh Hefner (82) to achieve fame in the US. Kendra is one of Hef’s triumvirate of blondes, and can be seen on the reality TV show The Girls Next Door.

Yesterday, however, several gossip blogs revealed that Kendra is helping the old duffer up and down the stairs in a strictly platonic sense, as she is in fact engaged to Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver Hank Baskett.