Alex Curran endears herself to the Merseyside population

The Spoiler has never spent a night out in Liverpool - as a bona fide member of the Soft Southern Media^© we get a nosebleed each time we venture past the Watford Gap - but we’ve heard it is laden with ruffians who engage in fisticuffs after one too many jammy donut-flavoured shots.

Merseyside-born Alex Curran confirmed our fears today, when she explained why she and her pacifist husband Steven Gerrard will be tripping the light fantastic elsewhere in future:

“[Liverpool is] not the same any more.

“To be honest, it’s rough. Everywhere new that opens attracts the wrong type of people.

“It’s not nice, so I haven’t bothered to go out.”

Merseyside police have been quick to retort by claiming the risk of being a victim of personal crime in Liverpool is the lowest of any big city in Britain, although it is unknown whether this statement is a direct result of the fact that Steven Gerrard will no longer be socialising there.

[Ooh Aah Daily Star]

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How to attract the ladies like a Liverpool captain

One would imagine that a handsome devil like Steven Gerrard would have to beat the ladies off with a shit-covered stick, but the Liverpool star has revealed that he played the role of a nightclub tail chaser in his youth.

Instead of targeting the top talent and facing the possibility of humiliating rejection, Gerrard says he used to focus his energies on the more aesthetically challenging members of the opposite sex. “Go ugly, avoid the rush,” was the maxim he lived by when single.

Day-glo WAG Alex Curran must be delighted by this sexy admission.

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Stevie G’s wife may have to cut back on luxury holidays

The current economic downturn has certainly taken its toll on the nation’s workforce, but is also appears to have had a damning effect on those who don’t do anything for a living.

According to today’s Daily Telegraph, professional leisure seeker Alex Curran is feeling the pinch. The WAG, who spends ninety per cent of her free time and money in Liverpool’s Cricket boutique, is cutting back on unnecessary expenditure:

“I think people - especially Wags - are becoming more conscious of spending now.”

Mrs Steven Gerrard now faces the humiliating prospect of only being able to visit the hairdressers twice a week (how will she cope?) and must do own own nails, just like the common people who live on the numbered streets:

“I’m not that bothered about pampering. I do my nails myself. The nail varnish I’m wearing was only £2 from a bargain bin!” she said, insisting that she was not high maintenance.”

Steven Gerrard’s wages are unlikely to have been affected by the credit crunch, and his legal fees can’t be that high, so we can’t see a reason why Alex would actually have to cut back on spending. We suspect her thrifty attitude merely an act of solidarity with her loyal Closer Magazine readers, but the pneumatic blonde fails to see the devastating knock-on effect of her actions: how many nail bars and bikini manufacturers will suffer from her lack of custom? How many Dubai poolside waiters will be laid off? Will the fake tan industry be able to survive a decrease in orders from its greatest ambassador?