Man Utd’s squad, on the other hand, get a gold star…

Over the years it’s become apparent footballers have a hard time travelling in cars without crashing, vomiting, or embarrassing themselves. But what about other methods of transport? Sunday’s feature in The Times on cabin crew secrets revealed flying habits of some of the Premier League’s finest:

“We often get football teams flying to European games, and it’s always interesting to see how they behave. Without doubt the rudest was Spurs. They were going to Prague a couple of years ago, and they were all very impolite. None of them said thank you for anything. One player in particular, a striker, sat with his headphones on and refused to take them off, and none of them would lift their window blinds for takeoff and landing.

Ex-ref lives out rage-filled retirement 

Jeff Winter, retired ref, professional media whore and the only man with facial hair bad enough to rival Craig David, happily waded into the argument between Sir Alex Ferguson and Alan Wiley last month, calling the United manager a ‘bully and a coward’ for deeming Wiley to be out of shape after his side’s 2-2 draw against Sunderland.

However, it’s since been brought to The Spoiler’s attention Winter may not be in the best position to be taking the moral high ground on being magnanimous. Jeff’s official website “Jeff Winter Entertainment & Media” (no, really) is an amazing shrine to egotism, the highlight of which has to be the ‘Reader’s Letters‘ section.

A selection of Winter’s finest correspondence after the jump …

What’s the Spanish for desperado?

Ah, isn’t Roberto Martinez a breath of fresh air? Having given an interview in which he complained that everyone in England is running scared of Sir Alex Ferguson, Martinez today boldly stuck to his guns, whipped off his trousers and thrust out his groin in Fergie’s direction denied ever making those comments and scampered away to look for a tree to hide behind.

To read the original interview with the AS newspaper (in Spanish), click here. Meanwhile thespoiler’s Spanish expert has painstakingly translated the entire interview and can confirm the following quotes:

“He (Ferguson) has spent his whole life here and that has weight. Recently he was penalised for saying that a referee wasn’t fit enough and the truth is that they have almost ended up saying sorry to him for fining him. Another person would have been pounded.
Ferguson also has his group of loyal fans among other managers. Steve Bruce, who was his player; Sam Allardyce, who thinks he will be successor at Old Trafford, and others. On the opposite side Benitez is alone and thus gets stick from all sides.”

Deny away Roberto…

Coming to a computer near you…

Who is the trendiest of the sideline ranters? Clue - it’s not Martin O’Neill
( Unprofessional Foul )

A goal celebration more exciting than Alan Shearer’s
( 101gg )

Who confiscated Fergie’s chewing gum?
( Who ate all the Pies )

Daily Sceince - FIFA’s cunning new ruse to prevent cheats in junior football
( Off the Post )

And not content with living alongside a witch, Becks buys a pumpkin to prepare for Halloween
( Off the Post )

This one does exactly what it says on the tin

This was meant to be the season where Ben Foster established himself as Man United and England number one. The way things are going he won’t even be at Old Trafford for much longer…

Last March, Ben Foster had only ever started one league game for Manchester United and yet somehow, on the strength of one penalty save in the Carling Cup Final, developed a reputation as a superstar.

Fabio Capello was wowed by the display and breached his own guidelines later that month to cap Foster in a friendly against Slovakia, despite the fact he wasn’t playing regular club football.

Being talked up so much in the press without actually achieving much was always going to prove problematic, especially when an Edwin van der Sar injury in pre-season provoked articles about how Foster would prove so successful that the Dutchman would never get the shirt back.

When Capello was asked what had impressed him about the 26-year-old, he said: “He plays without fear and with confidence.” His assuredness has since been eroded though by a series of horrendous blunders.

First there was the embarrassing pre-season mistake against a Malaysia XI where he failed to control a backpass, then disaster in the Community Shield, later followed by humiliation against Manchester City and most recently the screw-up for Sunderland’s second last weekend. Rumours in the press suggest the latter was the catalyst for a “furious dressing room bust-up” between the keeper and Sir Alex Ferguson.

His absence

Also appearing on a computer near you…

The Guardian Gallery takes a look at Fergie’s space-time continuum

Fergie’s managerial greatness questioned
[DJ Mick]

Portsmouth are unpaid and lovin’ it
[Dirty Tackle]

Are the aforementioned Portsmouth chasing after Rafa Benitez?
[Caught Offside]

David Beckham’s beard inspires a lazy beard compilation that we wish we had thought of first
[Daily Mail]

Hull hope to benefit from the Bullard bounce
[Betfair Football]

Gianfranco Zola could be tempted to Napoli
[The Telegraph]

Darren Bent reveals concern for the ozone and a love of Katy Perry
[ChannelBee]

Union chief calls for over-the-top punishment

In March 2008, Alex Ferguson was quoted as saying “the haranguing of referees is ridiculous,” a comment that sat well with the FA’s Respect campaign. The Manchester Utd manager seemed to forget this sentiment when he accused Alan Wiley of being “unfit” to officiate on Saturday, and could now be kicked out of the beautiful game. Possibly. Alan Leighton, the national secretary of Professionals’ trade union Prospect, told BBC Radio 5 Live:

“I think there has to be some recognition that this is a serious allegation that needs to be properly dealt with and punished severely.

“There are issues around suspension from the job that would be new territory that hasn’t happened before, but I think the FA has to grab the nettle on this one.