French U21 international kept busy while injured…

It seems Sir Alex Ferguson is on a mission to crack the problem of modern players being “fragile” and “lacking responsibility” - as Man Utd new boy Gabriel Obertan has already found out.

Instead of being allowed to doss about at home while recovering from a back injury at the start of the season, the £3m signing was handed a pair of overalls and some gardening gloves. According to The Sun Obertan “watered hanging baskets, pruned rose bushes and washed staff cars” at United’s Carrington training ground. A ’source’ ’said’:

It’s not very often these days a United first-teamer can ever be seen on manual duties! But Gabby is a nice kid and he was only too happy to help out with the older coaches’ requests.

He could give the groundsmen a run for their money with his trimming and lawn skills!

Before running back around the other side of his desk and filing the story.

[cheers to Unprofessional Foul for the heads up]

Six year post-match boycott comes to an end…

Expect Gary Lineker’s opening lines on next season’s Match of the Day to be even more smug and annoying than usual. New Premier League rules, to be enforced next year, mean all managers will have to give post-match interviews to broadcasting rights holders - meaning Sir Alex Ferguson will have to explain his latest outburst to the cameras himself, rather than sending right-hand man Mike Phelan.

Ferguson promised never to do another interview with the BBC after it broadcast a documentary alleging his football agent son Jason used the family name to gain influence in transfer dealings, in 2004.

Spurs boss Harry Redknapp and Blackburn’s Sam Allardyce have also had previous run-ins with the Beeb over corruption allegations, but all will have to give TV or radio interviews or face ‘a sliding scale of punishments’.

NotRonaldo talks his way out of Old Trafford…

Ruud van Nistelrooy, Jaap Stam and Roy Keane all have the same two things in common. All three were indispensable Man Utd players who were very much dispensed of the moment they crossed Sir Alex Ferguson.

The Spoiler can only assume Utd winger Nani, who is currently about as indispensable as a used, porous condom, was blissfully unaware of these events ever having happened, since he’s made the extremely stupid move of criticising Fergie in the tabloid press.

“It is clear the 23-year-old has reached the end of his tether,” crows The Sun, while rubbing their hands at the carnage about to unfold. “In a no-holds barred interview, Nani reveals how:”

He has felt the withering force of Fergie’s infamous hairdryer rage.

He is frustrated at being omitted from big-game starting line-ups.

He believes promises have not been kept.

Three grievances, all of which can be answered with one simple explanation: “It’s because you’re s**t.”

Man Utd’s squad, on the other hand, get a gold star…

Over the years it’s become apparent footballers have a hard time travelling in cars without crashing, vomiting, or embarrassing themselves. But what about other methods of transport? Sunday’s feature in The Times on cabin crew secrets revealed flying habits of some of the Premier League’s finest:

“We often get football teams flying to European games, and it’s always interesting to see how they behave. Without doubt the rudest was Spurs. They were going to Prague a couple of years ago, and they were all very impolite. None of them said thank you for anything. One player in particular, a striker, sat with his headphones on and refused to take them off, and none of them would lift their window blinds for takeoff and landing.

Ex-ref lives out rage-filled retirement 

Jeff Winter, retired ref, professional media whore and the only man with facial hair bad enough to rival Craig David, happily waded into the argument between Sir Alex Ferguson and Alan Wiley last month, calling the United manager a ‘bully and a coward’ for deeming Wiley to be out of shape after his side’s 2-2 draw against Sunderland.

However, it’s since been brought to The Spoiler’s attention Winter may not be in the best position to be taking the moral high ground on being magnanimous. Jeff’s official website “Jeff Winter Entertainment & Media” (no, really) is an amazing shrine to egotism, the highlight of which has to be the ‘Reader’s Letters‘ section.

A selection of Winter’s finest correspondence after the jump …

What’s the Spanish for desperado?

Ah, isn’t Roberto Martinez a breath of fresh air? Having given an interview in which he complained that everyone in England is running scared of Sir Alex Ferguson, Martinez today boldly stuck to his guns, whipped off his trousers and thrust out his groin in Fergie’s direction denied ever making those comments and scampered away to look for a tree to hide behind.

To read the original interview with the AS newspaper (in Spanish), click here. Meanwhile thespoiler’s Spanish expert has painstakingly translated the entire interview and can confirm the following quotes:

“He (Ferguson) has spent his whole life here and that has weight. Recently he was penalised for saying that a referee wasn’t fit enough and the truth is that they have almost ended up saying sorry to him for fining him. Another person would have been pounded.
Ferguson also has his group of loyal fans among other managers. Steve Bruce, who was his player; Sam Allardyce, who thinks he will be successor at Old Trafford, and others. On the opposite side Benitez is alone and thus gets stick from all sides.”

Deny away Roberto…

Coming to a computer near you…

Who is the trendiest of the sideline ranters? Clue - it’s not Martin O’Neill
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A goal celebration more exciting than Alan Shearer’s
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Who confiscated Fergie’s chewing gum?
( Who ate all the Pies )

Daily Sceince - FIFA’s cunning new ruse to prevent cheats in junior football
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And not content with living alongside a witch, Becks buys a pumpkin to prepare for Halloween
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This one does exactly what it says on the tin