Today’s transfer gossip, as made up by the national press

When he isn’t pissing off Liverpool, growing face art or aggravating wealthy Americans, Liverpool boss Rafa Benitez enjoys nothing more than having kitchenware modelled on the shape of his cranium. The image above is from Wikipedia, so it must be true - much like the following speculation from sports desks around the country:

Yossi Benayoun to Everton
Twelve months ago Benayoun pledged to sign a new deal at West Ham before mysteriously being provoked into a change of heart. It looks like he’s fed up at Anfield now, but is he bored of Merseyside?

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Everton call it “fantasy”, we’re not so sure either

James Milner to Liverpool
Aston Villa want Milner, but because they’re not letting Liverpool steal Gareth Barry without a fight, Benitez is pretending he wants Milner to hike his price up. Rafa, you big bully.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Could be the next Jermaine Pennant

Emmanuel Adebayor to AC Milan
The Italian press say Adebayor has told Arsenal he wants to leave. Can you blame him? After all he scored 30 goals this season and still failed to win over certain factions of the Gunners faithful.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Believes he’ll stay put

Kaka to Chelsea
Do the maths. Brazilian managers must sign the best Brazilian players, right? Scolari played