“Hello Hull!”

It wasn’t so long ago that Spartacus-lookalike Amr Zaki looked tailor-made for the Premier League. Dave Whelan, Wigan’s chairman, thought he was a bit like Alan Shearer, and his then-manager Steve Bruce used big words like “awesome” to describe the Egyptian.

Then it all went a bit wrong.

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Michael Ballack competes with the man standing next to him for the ‘Worst dressed man at Wimbledon 2009′ award
[ONTD]

Carlos Tevez is on a mission to wind up Manchester Utd fans
[Pies]

Are Manchester City about to make a move for Barcelona’s Captain Caveman?
[Caught Offside]

The big news from Americaland: Quarterback Steve McNair may have been murdered by his WAG
[SportsByBrooks]

Manchester Utd close in on Bordeaux winger Gabriel Obertan
[The Telegraph]

Amr Zaki was the subject of an £11m bid from Aston Villa, says Amr Zaki
[Goal.com]

Steve Bruce’s best friend perfects his mid-air faceplant technique

With the FA Cup Final and the conclusion of several European major leagues happening over the weekend, somehow the tantalising friendly clash between the giants of Oman and the titans of Egypt escaped our attention. Thankfully, our boys at 101GG were paying attention to the Middle Eastern action, which Egypt won thanks to a Mohamed Aboutrika effort.

The highlight of the match happened during the subsequent goal celebration - Amr ‘The most unprofessional man Steve Bruce has ever worked with’ Zaki was keen to congratulate his teammate, but inadvertently enjoyed some face time with substitute Ahmed Eid Abdel Malek.

The result? A loss of blood and dignity, and six stitches in his face.

Sadly there’s no room for player of the year Ryan Giggs here…

It’s another end of season list, but with a twist. To stop a roundup of the 08/09 Premier League team of the season descending into a top 4 love-in, we’ve tried to limit ourselves to only one player from each club. Sticklers for punishment that we are, we’re also rigidly sticking to a classic 4-4-2. It all ended up being a lot harder than we gave it credit for:

GK - Manuel Almunia (Arsenal)
Pulled off some super saves, stopped an inordinate amount of penalties, and has been good enough to have this ridiculous nonsense about him playing for England rise to the surface again. The Spanish keeper has come a long way from Jens Lehmann’s assessment he was to rubbish to play for Arsenal.

DR - Rory Delap (Stoke)
Rory Delap made a healthy contribution to securing Stoke’s top flight status, earning priceless league (and mental) victories against the big boys at a time when Stoke were looking the unfashionable new kids while Hull cakewalked it. He spent most of the season in midfield but his position is almost irrelevent for what he brings to the team.

DL - Luke Young (Aston Villa)
Playing completely out of position, covering for a crocked Wilfred Bouma and an absolutely dreadful Nicky Shorey, isn’t an ideal way to start your first season a new club, but Young has done the job manfully, without complaint and more often than not, impressively.

DC - Phil Jagielka (Everton)
One of the most reliable performers of the season until that heartbreaking injury, Jags has had a superb campaign, reaping benefits in the form of England

The most inspired transfer activity of the season

As The Spoiler’s end of season festivities get into full swing, today we look at the best signings of the 2008/09 Premier League campaign. Sorry Wisey, Xisco and Coloccini didn’t make the cut…

Jose Bosingwa (Porto to Chelsea, £16.3m)
Whether Jose Bosingwa (or ‘Boswinga’ if you’re Jamie Redknapp) was officially a Big Phil Scolari signing is a point of contention, but considering the four other members of his inspirational clutch of signings have only racked up 22 starts and three goals between them, we’ll give him the benefit of the doubt. However, what can’t be argued against is how seamlessly the full back has slotted into Chelsea’s defence this season, in a role the Blues have previously struggled to fill.

James Beattie (Sheffield Utd to Stoke, £2.5m)
It was fair to assume Beattie’s Premier League days were numbered after a pretty woeful spell at Everton earned him a move down to the Championship with Sheffield United last season. Yet after answering Stoke’s SOS call in the January transfer window, Beatts has signaled his return to the top flight by averaging nearly a goal every other game and contributing to 13 of the 24 points Stoke have picked up since his arrival. Such season-saving form might just be the best £2.5m Tony Pulis has ever spent.

Marouane Fellaini (Standard Liege to Everton, £15m)
Fellaini’s Premier League success isn’t too surprising considering the fact that 32 foreign scouts were in the crowd to watch him play in Liege’s title-winning league match last season. Still, the lanky afro cultivator was pretty much unknown to fans over here until making his mark as the driving force behind a Liege team that by all rights should’ve beaten Liverpool to Champions League qualification at the start of the season. Clocking in with an impressive nine goals and firmly establishing himself as a midfield battler, that £15m price tag everyone laughed at now looks a bit less ridiculous.

Wilson Palacios (Wigan to Tottenham, £12m)
Harry Redknapp’s transfer market dial

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We thought Sergio Ramos was a footballer, but apparently he’s in a boyband
[ONTD via Kickette]

Avram Grant backs Chelsea to win the Champions League
[Goal.com]

Porto’s Lucho turns up the heat on Manchester Utd
[Sky Sports]

Harry Redknapp will ‘pinch’ Amr ‘Mr Unprofessional’ Zaki for £5m
[The Mirror]

Dennis Wise was given a £1.5m kick out of the door
[Daily Mail]

Professor Wenger takes a swipe at his debt-ridden rivals
[Tribal Football]

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Napoli FC fans arrive at a train station ahead of a match with Roma. Must’ve been a pretty big train
[Bloke and Coke]

Are Barcelona the best team on Earth right now?
[Soccerlens]

The story of pre-Manchester Utd Cristiano Ronaldo
[EPL Talk]

A man has spent £80,000 on a numberplate for his Ford Escort. Why? Because it reads “CR7″, that’s why
[Daily Mail]

Manchester City have agreed a fee of around £16m for Nigel de Jong
[Football365]

Ooh look! Paul Gascoigne’s daughter Bianca is wearing a hat!
[The Sun]

Another look at Amr Zaki’s brilliant miss
[101GG]

Chelsea look to replace injured Joe Cole with Wigan star
[The Telegraph]

21 days until the transfer window is flung open

The latest gossip, rumours and damned lies from the world of football…

Andrei Arshavin to Real Madrid
Zenit boss Dick Advocaat claims Real Madrid boss Juande Ramos has been interested in his forward Arshavin for a long time, and would have been at Tottenham this season if the board didn’t kick up such a fuss about his price. Advocaat has also stated his belief that Arshavin would do well in Madrid.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: If Ramos can convince the Real Madrid money men that Arshavin can change their fortunes a deal is likely.

Amr Zaki to Chelsea
Chelsea boss Scolari needs more firepower in attack to compete