The Finns should probably stick to F1

While Germany were busy nearly losing to Wales in Mönchengladbach last night, Finland were getting their arse handed to them by Russia. Babyfaced striker Andrei Arshavin put his name on the scoresheet, but not before the Finns put away two own goals. Ouch.

[The Offside]

How to stop your team from scoring goals

Rival fans may have laughed at the fact that Tottenham finished eleventh last season after talking up their top-four credentials but one area where you couldn’t fault them was their knack of scoring goals. Their 66-goal haul was the fifth best in the league last season and even better than Chelsea’s. But Juande Ramos and Gus Poyet clearly weren’t happy with this free-scoring nature and set about enforcing a five-point plan to change things:

1. Get rid of Jermain Defoe
Juande logic: He might have scored 64 goals for the club from starting 110 games, but who needs Jermain Defoe when you’ve got Robbie Keane and Dimitar Berbatov? By selling him to another club with European aspirations, Portsmouth, there’s no way it’ll come back and bite us. If anything, he’ll help drag them down to our level.
The reality: Defoe has scored thirteen goals in eighteen league starts for his new club and scored against Tottenham this weekend.

2. You don’t win anything with left-wingers
Juande logic: We may already have Jamie O’Hara, Didier Zokora, Tom Huddlestone, Jermaine Jenas and Aaron Lennon here already but what we really need is more midfielders who prefer playing in the centre or on the right. Bring in Luka Modric, David Bentley and Giovani dos Santos, it’ll be fun trying to figure out where to play them all. Who cares if Bentley got into the England squad for his performances on the right, let’s sling him on the left or behind the strikers. Luka Modric is known as the exciting, attacking impetus of the Croatia team but there’s no harm playing him as a holding player. Maybe I could throw him on the left too!
The reality: Spurs ended up starting Gilberto, who hasn’t looked too convincing in his preferred position of left-back, as an attacking left-winger against Portsmouth.

3. Sell one of the best strike forces in the Premier League
Juande logic: Robbie and Dimitar scored 46 goals between them last season for our bottom-half side, and the fans voted Robbie as player of the season but that doesn’t mean we wouldn’t be able to cope without them. They both say they want

Today’s transfer rumours, gossip and damned lies

It’s being reported in today’s Guardian that Chelsea and Real Madrid have agreed a fee of £28.6 million for Robinho. Considering the Brazilian has already stated his desire to join the Blues, we could find ourselves in the unusual situation of actually a seeing a transfer follow weeks of speculation -  eat your heart out Ronaldo, Lampard, Adebayor and Barry sagas!

Shaun Wright-Phillips is spoilt for choice
It looks like Chelsea’s unloved winger is ready to follow the Robinho example, too. For a long time, Portsmouth were favourites to sign Wright-Phillips but then they realised they had no money, so it’s either Everton or Manchester City who will welcome SWP into their family.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Both represent good career moves but his glorious Manchester City past may see him lean towards them

Roman Pavlyuchenko to Spurs
It’s no secret that Spurs are in

Today’s gossip, rumours and damned lies…

Darren Bent’s pre-season goal haul convinced some Spurs fans that they could cope without Robbie Keane and Dimitar Berbatov, but he has played all 180 minutes of Spurs poor start without having any impact, and it’s painfully obvious he needs someone alongside him. So imagine how they’ll feel when they pick up today’s papers and see that Chelsea might be making a £20m move for Andrei Arshavin…

Craig Bellamy to Man City
Rumours that the West Ham board are trying to force Alan Curbishley’s resignation heightened this morning when Sky Sports reported that Manchester City are in talks over Bellamy, who has started just eight games for the club. Curbs has played down speculation, but did the same with Anton Ferdinand before being forced to admit defeat.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Things are looking gloomy - Curbishley is now 15/8 with Will Hill to “win” the Sack Race

Shaun Wright-Phillips to Man City
Over the weekend all the talk was that Chelsea’s winger

Today’s rumours, gossip and damned lies

Spurs will demand a further £4 million for Dimitar Berbatov just because they are upset that the press told everyone a deal was imminent, according to the Daily Mirror. Maybe they picked up this shrewd fiscal technique from Charlton, who somehow managed to drive Darren Bent’s price up to £16.5 million…

Frederic Kanoute and Andrei Arshavin to Tottenham
It’s not time for mourning at White Hart Lane because they are already busy plotting which big names they will bring in to replace the sulking striker. Arshavin is still high on the wish list and Kanoute is also linked with a return to the club.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: It could happen; Kanoute has played for Spurs and worked with Ramos

Roque is going to stay
Paul Ince insisted he would do his utmost to keep David Bentley

Spurs transfer target refusing to play for Zenit

Tottenham remain keen on signing Russian manchild Andrei Arshavin, yet they are not so keen on coughing up his club’s £27m asking price. In protest, the 27-year-old refused to help Zenit crash out of the Russian Cup yesterday, and his agent helped paint a picture of the situation without resorting to any stereotypes about Russia’s former political stance:

“Nothing will change because this is the old Soviet Union way. For the Russian sports establishment the desires of the player mean absolutely nothing.

“They are the big bosses. It is a dictatorship. He is a slave.”

To summarise, the club who have stood by Arshavin for his entire career and who have helped make him the player he is today are slave drivers, because quite keen on holding onto a man who is contractually obliged to play for them.

[Football 365]

Well, 40 per cent of them do…

Most people would struggle to see how a team could possibly be better off without a young striker who is capable of putting away 20+ goals a season, but according to a poll run by The Spoiler yesterday, over 40 per cent of Tottenham fans believe the future is brighter without the tiny Irishman.

The White hart Lane faithful posted their views on the subject, and many feel it is a blessing in disguise that Keane is now forming daisy chains with Fernando Torres et al.

Some said they didn’t like his style of play (he is a ball hogger, not an out-and-out striker) while others condemned his lack of commitment to the club (”I love it here and I would like to finish my career here,” he said just a few weeks ago).

The most surprising logic that supported Keane’s

This morning’s rumours, gossip and damned lies

Barcelona, Chelsea and Arsenal all took turn in being the favourites to sign Andrei Arshavin, but Spurs appear the most interested now. A £16 million offer was turned down, but if they offer £21.5 million, they could get their man. They do seem to be tapping a mysterious endless cash source at the moment, so there’s every chance the young Russian will end up at White Hart Lane. Either that, or he’ll be linked to Man City tomorrow…

The Cristiano Ronaldo saga update
Sir Alex Ferguson has told Ronaldo that Manchester United is the best club for him, claiming that if you had a son you would tell him that the worst thing he could do would be to join Real Madrid. Maybe that explains why he sold son Darren to Wolves, then.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Will probably stay put this summer

Robinho to stay put
Peter Kenyon has been busy talking up Chelsea’s chances of signing Robinho so must have missed the Brazilian declare that he wants to stay at Real Madrid for a long time. Chelsea hope that those are empty words, though there is a fear the Brazilian man-o’-sex has used them to get a new contract.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: A move is still

Today’s rumours, gossip and damned lies

The new season kicks off in just 37 days, yet most clubs are still scrambling about like headless Dirk Kuyts to complete their desired lineups. Cristiano and Frank are still putting us to sleep with their predicaments, so here’s what’s going on in the rest of Transferland…

Robinho to Chelsea
The main reason Robinho appears interested in Chelsea is to punish Real Madrid for using him as a bargaining chip in their attempts to sign Cristiano Ronaldo. His agent has claimed he is “better or equal to” Ronaldo, and Chelsea are eager to find out if that’s true.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Strong possibility that Scolari will be listening to excuses from the Brazilian man-o’-sex in the near future

Andrei Arshavin to Arsenal

Zenit’s labelled Arsene Wenger a “cunning fox” for questioning Arshavin’s ability to play three straight top-level games, saying it was a ploy to put off suitors. Arsenal are now favourites to sign him so it looks like their perception of Wenger was spot on.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Would fit in perfectly but it depends on the price

David Villa latest
Rafael Benitez must be seen as an easy target in transfer negotiations given his willingness to be ripped off in his pursuit of Gareth Barry. That’s why Valencia priced up David Villa at £32 million, although

Today’s transfer gossip, rumours and damn lies

Last night, Avram Grant revealed on Israeli TV last night that Chelsea are after Yuri Zhirkov, rather than current soup du jour Andrei Arshavin. Quite how the Toad would be privy to this information and be in a position to reveal it on television is beyond us, but it would be highly titillating to hear Londoners shouting “Jerkoff!” in unison next season…

The Cristiano Ronaldo saga latest
A shocking development today, as The Sun have actually given Spain’s victory prominence and kept Ronaldo off their back page. Fear not though, he’s still on the front. Nothing has changed: Queiroz admitted contracts mean nothing in football and Real Madrid are waiting for Man United to do something.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: This story still has months to run

Ronaldinho to reject Manchester City
Nobody will be too shocked to hear that Ronaldinho isn’t quite so keen to move to Manchester after all, though what is slightly surprising is that the Brazilian has reportedly set his heart on staying at the Nou Camp.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Guardiola may want