Today’s gossip, rumours and damned lies

Yesterday, David Villa was supposed to be ushered into White Hart Lane for a cool £32 million, but today all the talk is about Dean Ashton and how they won’t pay West Ham’s £18 million asking price (quite right, too). Fear not though, Spurs fans, Juande Ramos has now decided Atletico Madrid’s Diego Forlan is the right man for the job, according to the journos fishing for a story experts at The Mirror…

Louis Saha to West Ham
The Irons are another side actively trying to bring in another striker, but the Daily Mail reports that they want to wait until the Frenchman’s knee injury clears up before making an offer. Perhaps they don’t want any outside help in their bid to retain the Physio Room Injury League title.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Saha may prefer the ex-United haven at Sunderland, while

Today’s gossip, rumours and damned lies

Arsene Wenger has idly watched Liverpool waste all summer trying to sign Gareth Barry, safe in the knowledge that the second they do, he can swoop to sign Alonso for £2 million less. Quite why Benitez is making such a fuss swapping a player who is virtually the same age, value and position as his Jason Bateman look-alike is a mystery, but at the moment it looks as though the Frenchman will have the last laugh.

Dean Ashton to Newcastle
Last month Aiden McGeady was supposedly destined for a move to Tyneside just days after signing a long-term deal with Celtic and now it’s being reported that West Ham are desperate to get rid of Ashton a month after giving him to a big-money five-year deal.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Nonsense

Andy Johnson to Fulham
Roy Hodgson proved that he’s a wily old fox by attempting to slice £4 million off the striker’s transfer fee

Today’s gossip, rumours and damned lies…

The transfer market today may be quieter than the Joey Barton fan mail hot line, but that hasn’t stopped some of the UK’s finest print journalists doing their thang. Let’s kick off today’s speculation with news of everybody’s favourite badly-coiffed Frenchman…

Djibril Cisse to Manchester City or West Ham
Without even factoring wages into the equation, Liverpool made an £8 million loss on Cisse, for which they splashed out over £600,000 for every league goal he scored. Marseille have given the clubs ten days to bid for the player, time which would be better spent running as far away as possible.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Cisse has made no secret of the fact he would like to return

The Frank Lampard saga latest
Remember how we all applauded Chelsea for applying logic and refusing to cave in to Lampard’s demands for a five-year contract? Well it appears that whoever is making the decisions at Stamford Bridge has changed their mind and a five-year deal is now on the table.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Seems like he will stay now. Ronaldo and Barry could learn from Lampard’s handling of the issue

Andy Johnson to Fulham
The Everton striker and occasional England

Today’s gossip, rumours and damned lies

Alexander Hleb’s quest to earn the eternal hatred of Arsenal fans has gained further momentum today, as he told the world that Cesc Fabregas helped convince him of the pleasantries of Barcelona life, before hinting that the Spanish super sub may be joining him in Catalonia soon. The Spoiler sees it as a distinct possibility in a year or two, but for now, Cesc will surely remain at the Emirates.

Claude Makelele to PSG
The ageing Chelsea midfielder is ready to follow Ludovic Giuly and Lillian Thuram to Paris as the French side look to bring together a team strong enough to challenge for the European Masters Cup over the next few years.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: A done deal

Didier Drogba to Barcelona
Following Makelele out of the door could be Double D, who kindly told Chelsea that if nobody better comes in for him over the next few days he will sign a new contract. He has ducked out of Chelsea’s tour of China with a knee problem, prompting speculation he is leaving.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Scolari insists he is staying put

Andy Johnson to Fulham
The Cottagers have now decided

This morning’s rumours, gossip and damned lies

The Spoiler recently questioned why Rafael Benitez was selling Peter Crouch, one of his few strikers, to raise money to buy yet another midfielder. It looks like he hasn’t learnt his lesson, as he is now attempting to offload Andrei Voronin for £3 million. The reason? You’ve guessed it: to fund the Barry bid. The fashion conscious England hater won’t be missed, despite five goals in 13 league starts.

Dimitar Berbatov to Man United
The Spoiler was impressed with Sir Alex Ferguson’s professionalism yesterday after he announced his bid for a player without naming him. That was until we picked up today’s copy of The Sun and saw it plastered with quotes about Fergie wanting Berbatov.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Maybe Real Madrid aren’t the only club without morals

Rob Green to Aston Villa
West Ham’s player of the season feels unappreciated because he is the club’s lowest-paid first-teamer and had his request for a new contract snubbed at the same time Dean Ashton got a rise. Hearing that Freddie Ljungberg could be given millions to disappear won’t have helped matters.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: The board know it would be a season ticket sales disaster if the fans’ favourite leaves

Sunderland get ripped off again
Any Mackems hoping Sunderland wouldn’t be burning millions

Today’s rumours, gossip and damned lies

After telling Milan where to stick their interest in Emmanuel Adebayor, frugal Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger has decided he is fed up with his greedy players, and now wants to the shift the Togolese striker. This time, the Frenchman chose letter-writing over faxing and told the Italians he wants a ridiculous hefty £36 million. Seeing as the methods of communication between the two teams are slowly becoming more rudimentary, we expect the counter offer to be sent by telegram, and all remaining correspondence to be wired by Morse code.

The Frank Lampard saga latest
Scolari says he will stay but Lampard’s agent Steve Kutner claims his future is “completely unresolved”. Chelsea are offering him £150,000 a week for four years, but Lampard is holding out for five.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: He’s been offered £150,000 until he’s 33 - why is he still haggling?

David Villa to Liverpool
Once again, Rafael Benitez has publicly declared interest in a player who’s under contract at another club. Benitez feels negotiations will be difficult but Villa has previously spoken about wanting to work with the former Valencia boss.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: A possibility, but would Rafa want to change formation again?

Andy Johnson to Wigan
Johnson’s preferred choice if he leaves Everton is Wigan. Not because he

Today’s transfer gossip, rumours and damn lies

Last night, Avram Grant revealed on Israeli TV last night that Chelsea are after Yuri Zhirkov, rather than current soup du jour Andrei Arshavin. Quite how the Toad would be privy to this information and be in a position to reveal it on television is beyond us, but it would be highly titillating to hear Londoners shouting “Jerkoff!” in unison next season…

The Cristiano Ronaldo saga latest
A shocking development today, as The Sun have actually given Spain’s victory prominence and kept Ronaldo off their back page. Fear not though, he’s still on the front. Nothing has changed: Queiroz admitted contracts mean nothing in football and Real Madrid are waiting for Man United to do something.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: This story still has months to run

Ronaldinho to reject Manchester City
Nobody will be too shocked to hear that Ronaldinho isn’t quite so keen to move to Manchester after all, though what is slightly surprising is that the Brazilian has reportedly set his heart on staying at the Nou Camp.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Guardiola may want

All of today’s transfer gossip, rumours and damn lies

Before Euro 2008, Manchester City and Everton were leading the chase for the fashion student/amazing footballer. Unfortunately he revealed himself to be world class and now looks like making a dream move to Barcelona, who have made a formal approach. His agent claims there have already been five offers for his signature, and the price being bandied around is currently £10m.

The Ronaldo saga latest
He may be acting like a spoilt brat, but Ronaldo is a man of principle. Accordingly, he has kindly agreed to pay Manchester Utd the courtesy of showing up for pre-season training in exchange for his £120,000-a-week wages.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Come on papers, try harder than this to find a story

Peter Crouch to Arsenal
The Daily Mirror have been doing their homework and decided that Arsene Wenger, famous for his cautiousness with money, will match the eight-figure valuation for a benchwarmer at a club they finished above.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Unconvinced

Or…Crouch and Yossi Benayoun to Tottenham
Slightly more convincing than the Arsenal story,

Plus Everton employees get lazy 

For those sensible enough to still be at work - rather than joining all the cheerful idiots bounding around the city centre in swimming costumes, hosing each other down and smearing ice cream everywhere - here are today’s very straight-faced transfer rumours. Roll VT…

Dudu to Everton
Whoever is compiling the list of Everton transfer targets is getting into some serious shorthand, first “Jo”, and now “Dudu” - both promising Brazilians from CSKA Moscow.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: By the sounds of the conditions, Liverpool might be a luxurious alternative to rainy Russia.

Jeremy Helan and Darnel Situ to Manchester United
Clever, Man United - two French teenagers, surely North London bound, and yet somehow their red private jet ended up in Manchester? Bet they weren’t expecting Arsene Wenger to sound so… Scottish.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: What United want, United get