Sampdoria “star” bids farewell to his self-respect, for this lifetime at least

Antonio Cassano was not so long ago boasting of his qualities as a) a top class ladies’ man, steamrollering his way through the women of Madrid, and b) a model professional equipped with the supreme strength of mind required to turn his back on all that Spanish vagingo and focus once more on being brilliant at football.

Last weekend, playing against Torino, Cassano revealed another side to his personality, that of master sulker extraordinaire. Even in a country which is unrivalled in its command of the theatrical gesture, Cassano’s interpretation of “big mardy baby” must have left both sets of fans speechless with wonder.

Christian Panucci’s lady is the backbone of Italian television

Having only seen Italian TV in fragments on the internet, it would appear that their entire programming schedule is based around filming spectacular beauties with huge cleavage wobbling around atop fake surfboards, or similar activities that make their chests move.

For this reason, one of the stars of the Italian telebox is Rosaria Cannavò, ex-girlfriend of workshy Antonio Cassano and current sentimental partner, for the second time, of Christian Panucci. And to think, all we get in the UK is Kerry Katona: Crazy in Love…

Which player admits he prefers girls and drinking to England’s stern new dominatrix?

While England’s players and bureaucrats are finding themselves secretly excited by life at Miss Fabio Capello’s Victorian boarding school, one of his old pupils has publicly announced that the Capello regime was not for him.” His becoming the England manager was the best thing that could have happened,” said former Real Madrid flop, Antonio Cassano. “Because that way I’ll never have to see him again.”

Mr Cassano, who now earns a living at Sampdoria, spent two years in Madrid (one under Capello), during which he contributed just two goals. He recently confessed to an Italian chat show, however, that he was driven to the dark side by Mr Capello’s taking against him. “In Madrid I lived too much at night,” he said. “I hardly slept, there were so many hot girls…in the end I had to choose between football and the good life.”