The latest transfer gossip, rumours and damned lies

Samuel Eto’o to Manchester City, Tottenham or Chelsea
Less than a week after the Cameroonian was reported to have turned down City’s advances, Spanish sources claim they will be offered his services for around £30m. The Daily Mail claim Barcelona president Joan Laporta is currently in London seeking a buyer, suggesting Tottenham and Chelsea are also chasing.

The Spoiler truth-o-meter: With just a year left on his contract, it seems clear that Barcelona will shift the striker, and the Premiership appears to be his next port of call.

Afonso Alves to Benfica
Regardless of whether Middlesbrough manage to beat the drop,

These men stepped up to the plate, brought their A game, gave it 110 per cent etc…

As everyone knows, the semi finals and finals of important competitions are an appalling waste of time. Everyone’s too frightened to touch the ball, to the point where grown men just gather around staring at each other, too paranoid to even speak. Hence, the team of the tournament has been chosen based on the real football that The Spoiler has already witnessed…

GK Iker Casillas (Spain)
For single handedly snatching football glory away from the Italians, and looking a little bit like a child attempting to grow a beard. Out-goallied Buffon.

DL Yuri Zhirkov (Russia)
Once you’ve finished rolling around on the floor in hysterics because his name sounds a little bit like “jerk off”, you’ll notice that he’s been a prince amongst left backs. Brilliant.

DC Giorgio Chiellini (Italy)
Whilst it made for the most face-scratchingly boring non-England match since Glasgow Women’s Deaf and Dumb Wheelchair Team took on the local hospice’s Coma XI, don’t forget that the Italian defence was brilliant. Particularly this man.