Arsenal 5-0 Porto

If anything, Nicklas Bendtner further proved his inconsistency last night, by being consistent in front of goal. Expect to see him clumsily hoofing a tap-in into his own face when his team travels to Hull on Saturday. Balance restored. Still, he had one of those nights that young players dream of, the whole thing only slightly overshadowed by a wonder goal from Nasri. Damn thunder-stealer.

Highlights above.

(Courtesy of 101 Great Goals)

“Hey woman, don’t let Arshavin see you with that!”

Site regulars will already be well aware of the fondness attached to a decent footballer blog. Vassell has long since set the benchmark for what can be achieved when a sportsman turns his soul inside out for the world to see. It’s poignant, and quite beautiful.

But, he’s in danger of being usurped by Andrey Arshavin - the dinky little fashion designer who plays for Arsenal - who has opened himself up to all kinds of bizarre and intrusive questions from his fans. Here’s a little flavour from a recent post:

Abel Hernandez - not particularly camera shy

Newspaper offices all over the country will be dreadful places to be today. Just dreadful. You’ve got your showbiz and fashion desks, all nursing serious wine and amphetamines hangovers, after having to pull an Oscars all-nighter.

The animals on the news desk will have overdone the whiskeys as usual, whilst the delightful young men in the post room will be grumbling because they spent most of Saturday night repeatedly circling a blonde girl on a nightclub dancefloor, and she didn’t once offer to have sex with them. What a cow.

Anyway, in the midst of this crumbling empire will be the football journalists - still alert, smoke coming from their keyboards, mobile phones ringing off the hook playing the MOTD theme tune. Here’s what they’ve uncovered today (thanks to The Mirror, The Sun, The Telegraph, The Daily Mail etc…):

Lukaku - sweet sixteen

Footballers have a fairly swift turnaround, lasting perhaps five years at the top of their game, before eyes start wandering, searching feverishly for their replacements.

Messi is about the forty-seventh “new Maradona”, for a while there Joe Cole was “the new Gazza”, and at one point Berbatov was “the new Cantona”.

The football world loves new versions of old models - known in mobile telephone circles as “upgrades”.

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You’re stressed, it’s Thursday, here’s some Jazz!

Hilarious Ashley Cole t-shirt

[Dirty Tackle]

Last night’s England team under the microscope

[Pies]

Roma fancy Gallas

[Caught Offside]

Even Ashley Cole wouldn’t stoop this low

[Interestment Comedy]

The Red Knights get the cartoon treatment

[Studs Up]

Toshack keeps schtum about Bellamy

[Football Fancast]

John Terry - discussed

[Daily Mail]

Upson blames the pitch

[The Telegraph]

“Coffee Andrey?”… “No thanks”

If you ever find the time, there are some wonderful footballer websites out there - The Spoiler, for example, has long been a fan of the startlingly moving Darius Vassell blog.

And to that thrilling list of exactly one, you can now add Andrey Arshavin’s official website, which finds the speedy little Russian taking time out to answer questions from his legions of fans. A recommendation appeared in The Spoiler inbox yesterday evening, and below is a little taster to whet your appetite:

Hi, Andrey, I love arsenal and helicopters. My friend, Steve, said that he met you once and he said you were very nice but you smelt of coffee. Do you like coffee? He also said that he held your hand. If I met you please could I hold your hand, I promise it will be no longer than for 3 minutes. LOVE FROM ANTHONY, 28 ENGLAND.

Аrshavin: I don’t drink coffee at all.

Brilliant.

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Reflect on days gone by with The Jam!

More trouble at Portsmouth

[The Daily Mail]

Emile Heskey under the microscope

[Mirror Football]

Tomas Rosicky rocks out, man!

[Pies]

Terry and Bellamy get the cartoon treatment

[Studs Up]

Dress smart/casual like Steven Gerrard!

[Kickette]

Liverpool line up a double swoop

[Caught Offside]

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It’s Monday, cheer up with a funky love song!

Arsenal leg breaks under the microscope

[Daily Mail]

Six great matches that never were

[The Guardian]

Oof, there’s one in the face!

[Dirty Tackle]

Enjoy a day out, Man City style

[Kickette]

Man United finances examined

[Caught Offside]

Classic England against Egypt World Cup encounter

[Youtube]