Coming to a computer near you…

“I did not see it” + 59 others. Step this way for Arsene Wenger’s best 60 quotes
( Football 365 )

Which Premier League footballer has a tattoo of his girlfriend on his arm?
( Who ate all the Pies )

Here comes the new Kinkladze. And guess what - Arsene is chasing him
( Caught Offside )

Watch Rio do what he does best - karaoke of course
( The Sun )

And guess what made Robbie Savage cry?
( Dirty Tackle )

Card is in the post

The cake will no doubt be slightly bitter, everyone will be buying him a pair of glasses for his birthday, and Arsene will no doubt be looking forward to his £200 winter fuel allowance. He can also benefit from free NHS perscriptions, and a nice, shiny, bus pass. But what do you want to give Arsene for his 60th? Leave your thoughts below..

Titi expresses wish to team up with Professor Wenger once again

Thierry Henry has spent the majority of his career under the instruction of Arsene Wenger, and makes no secret of his love of England (he loves him some tea and scones). In light of these facts, the Barcelona star has anounced his intention to return to these shores to team up with the huge-brained Frenchman once again - even if it means assuming the humiliating role of an Adam Sandler-style waterboy:

“I’ve always said you go back to where you belong. I’ve never stopped saying that I love Arsenal and I’ll one day go back there. How? I don’t know - maybe a waterboy!

“I just love the club and one day I’ll go back for sure.

Also appearing on a computer near you…

George Gillett does his best Baron Greenback impression (with shades of Gerard Houllier) at Liverpool’s rout of Hull on Saturday

Having snatched the Premier League’s best player, La Liga is moving on to phase two…
[EPL Talk]

Phil Brown is already on the lookout for alternative employment
[Off The Post]

Arsenal make some more money for Arsene Wenger not to spend
[The Sun]

Gareth Bale has finally broken his Spurs losing streak. Now on to actually starting a winning game…
[Daily Mail]

Roy Keane is a thoroughly pleasant man
[News of the World]

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[@thespoileruk]

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Some expert advice for the weekend’s activities from Sporting Index

In case you hadn’t noticed, all the cool kids are making their ritual viewing of Soccer Saturday a little more interesting with the help of spread betting. Our friends at Sporting Index are the go-to-guys for this money making art, and they have kindly provided previews of two of this weekend’s big clashes…

Stoke/ Manchester Utd
The Red Devils follow their derby triumph with a trip to the Britannia Stadium, where the Potters lost just four games last season. The comparisons drawn between Stoke’s home and Burnley’s Turf Moor are extremely welcome to sellers of United’s win index spread, as the Clarets, of course, defeated United there earlier in the season. Spread punters who followed the progress of Tony Pulis’s first top-flight season will remember, however, that United were one of the several clubs to leave the Britannia with three points, thanks only to a late Carlos Tevez goal. Chelsea are the only other member of the Big Four to play there so far this season and also required a last gasp winner. Buyers of the time of the last match goal will hope for a similar spread make-up on Saturday.

Fulham/ Arsenal
Due to their demolition jobs on Everton, Portsmouth and Wigan

The Professor gained his footballing nous from an unlikely source

Until now, we could only speculate on how Arsene Wenger cultivated his gigantic brain: some thought he was brought up by wizards, some suspected he worshiped at the feet of Kevin from Eggheads, while others believed he was imply an oracle sent from a world of existential philosophy and ignoring terrible tackles if they’re done by your own team.

The Professor, however, has today revealed he did most of his brain training in a pub. He was brought up by publican parents Alphonse and Louise at Le Croix D’Or, just outside Strasbourg, and it is that establishment that he became a master of handling other people:

“There is no better psychological education than growing up in a pub when you are five or six because you meet all different people and hear how cruel they can be.

“You hear the way they talk to each other like saying ‘You’re a liar.’

“And from an early age you get a practical psychological education into the minds of people. It is not

Also appearing on a computer near you…

The Honduran ‘gay kiss’ has opened the floodgates for on-pitch man-love
[Off The Post]

Buoyed by how Thomas Vermaelen has turned out, Wenger is in the market for another Belgian
[Caught Offside]

Jack Wilshere and Gael Clichy mobbed at a milkshake bar in Finchley
[Daily Mail]

Rangers’ DaMarcus Beasley creates in-no-way-tacky jewellery line range
[The Sun]

At least, when the inevitable failure comes, we’ll have some nice pictures to look at
[The Mirror]

Does Mark Clattenburg have the same hairdresser as Stephen Ireland?
[3pm Blog]

Emulate the Premier League’s favourite knee-sliding riot-starter
[Mousebreaker]

The governing body’s U-turn could encourage more simulation 

Following an appeal by Arsenal, UEFA have back-tracked on their controversial Eduardo ruling, deciding there was not enough evidence to prove simulation. The Arsenal forward - who has insisted he felt contact from extraordinarily aggressive Celtic keeper Artur Boruc on his left foot and “lost balance” - is now free to face Standard Liege in the Champions league tomorrow night.

Some have argued that UEFA caved in because of the far-reaching implications of the ban: Professor Wenger would have lovingly compiled evidence of every single other perceived dive in European competitions, and would have called for similar bans for the rest of eternity. A dangerous precedent for a crime that isn’t always clear cut.

UEFA’s attempt to contain the situation, however, may actually have had the opposite effect. Not only have they undermined their own authority by favouring Arsenal’s appeal, but they have effectively given professional players carte blanche to throw themselves around without concern for punishment. The Telegraph’s Henry Winter makes a point to this effect on Twitter:

Starting tonight, players know they can dive because refs will be too scared to punish them following UEFA’s crazy U-turn on Eduardo.

Where UEFA right to turn over the ban, or have they, as we suspect, opened a big ol’ can of worms. Let us know your thoughts below…