David Bentley forced to chow down on a knuckle sandwich

Despite having a very punchable face, Tottenham star David Bentley nearly made it 24 years without someone punching him in the face. This all changed over the weekend, however, when someone punched him in the face:

The Spurs midfielder, 24, had been enjoying a meal with Kimberly Mills [WAG link here] and another couple when a man walked up to their table after finishing his own dinner - and took a swing at him.

Stunned Bentley was left reeling in his chair as the attacker ran out of the restaurant.

According to Bentley’s agent Robert Segal, the attack at the swanky Nolita bar in Herts was premeditated, as the assailant had a taxi waiting outside for him.

The Daily Mirror fail to properly describe the attacker in their report, however an exclusive source has issued a description to The Spoiler. With brown hair and a medium build, the man is said to be a football manager in his sixties, who has been trying to sell a player called David Bentley ever since he started a job at a north London club.

If you have seen a man matching this description, do please get in touch.

Spurs captain slays the dragon named Dignity

In the early hours of Sunday morning, professional sportsman Ledley King saw fit to launch an alleged alcohol-fuelled racist attack on a nightclub bouncer. For his troubles, he spent a night in a police cell, where, according to sources, he continued to proclaim his superiority over the rest of humanity through tearful eyes:

The drunk Spurs captain “cried and sobbed” in a police cell after trying in vain to get officers to let him go, it was said.

Two men being dealt with at the same station said the star alternately ranted and pleaded with the cops, bragging that he earned £83,000 a week.

They claimed the England ace - arrested after a nightclub row - shouted at the sergeant: “Boss man, boss man, I don’t deserve to be here - I’m rich.”

“Boss man”? Was Ledley locked up on the Green Mile or something?

One of the witnesses was also keen to stress that the Tottenham star lost control of his bodily functions

Tottenham star arrested after racist rant and assault

Picture taken at one of Ledley’s previous violent drunken assaults - click here for the (less exciting) latest one

Ledley King is no stranger to the art of drinking too much and starting a fight (see here, here and here), but he massively improved on his own impressive inebriation benchmark on a visit to London’s Punk club on Saturday night. While demanding entry to the Soho nightspot, the classy Tottenham star dished out some racism and violence, which led to a night in the cells. The Sun say:

The Tottenham captain, who had been out in the West End following his team’s 0-0 draw with Everton, spent the night in a sparse cell in a police station.

[Bouncer] Wahib said: “He was so drunk we told him to come back when he was more sober.

“He walked across the road, opened his trousers and urinated all over the pavement in front of everybody. He came back and was so close to my face I could feel his spit on me.

“He started shouting,

Defender devastated by his own vicious actions

Real Madrid’s crucial victory over Madrid rivals Getafe on Tuesday night was marred by Pepe, who decided to kick seven shades out of opposing captain Javier Casquero for no particular reason.

The assault shocked the world of football, but no one is more surprised by the unnecessary violence than the man himself. In an interview with Spanish paper Marca, the Portugal International said he had no intention of playing again:

“These are the worst days of my life. I do not have any desire to return to playing football.”I have seen the replays of the incident, but I do not recognise myself. I lost control and I went crazy, but that is not me.

“The worst punishment is going through what I’m experiencing now. If I see that there’s no chance of me returning to football again, then I will try something else.”

Marca suggest that the defender will receive a ban of six to twelve games for his actions, in addition to fines by the league and his club.

Some are suggesting that Pepe will not play for Madrid again, but we are not convinced - he has no history of this kind of violence, he seems to genuinely repent his hotheadedness, and above all, he is a world class defender whom Los Blancos could not do without.

Portuguese/ Brazilian defender loses his rag in Madrid derby

It seems that Anfield wasn’t the only venue to host an incredibly exciting game last night - Real Madrid continued their pursuit of Barcelona in La Liga, with a win at the Bernabeu that ended in controversial circumstances.

With the score at 2-2 in the 87th minute, Getafe captain Javier Casquero was brought down in the box by Pepe. Confusing the felled player with a ball, the Portugal defender proceeded to kick the crap out of him.

Unsurprisingly, Pepe was sent off, but Getafe squandered their chance to steal a famous victory over their Madrid rivals, by delivering a penalty that was even worse than Berbatov’s effort at the weekend. To make matters worse, Madrid’s Marcelo put in a 92nd minute winner at the other end.

Spanish paper Marca claim that Pepe spat out a potty-mouth tirade at the fourth official as he left the pitch, and the punishment he will receive for this assault will probably rule him out for the rest of the campaign.

If this happened anywhere except a football pitch, Casquero wouldn’t think twice about pressing charges.

Sunderland striker gives us more reasons to dislike him

A surprise managerial appointment wasn’t the only controversial thing to happen in Newcastle last night, no thanks to Sunderland forward Djibril Cisse.

The heavily-tattooed star, on loan from Marseille, frequented Newcastle’s Diamonds club, an establishment which specialises in both topless and fully nude lap dancing. (Its official website says the “plush” club is “exquisitely furbished like a polished jewel” - so you know its classy.)

Cisse is alleged to have left the club at around 3am, at which point he entered into a heated row with a woman and “grabbed her by the throat”. It’s currently unknown whether the assaulted woman was a stripper, or simply a virtuous lady who opted to accompany a married footballer to a strip club at 3am on a Wednesday morning. The Mirror says:

Police quizzed the striker at a station near to the Diamonds club

Liverpool captain still faces affray charges

Steven Gerrard spent last night livin’ it up at Jamie Carragher’s Cafe Sport England bar, and it proved to be adequate preparation for his court date this morning.

Appearing before North Sefton magistrates court with six other men, the Liverpool captain was accused of assault and affray following a cerrazzy night of drinking and punching in December.

The assault charge against him was dropped, but he will face a charge of affray at Liverpool crown court on 3 April. Hopefully by then, he will be able to cover the legal fees with money earned from the sale of his fancy Range Rover.

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