Today’s gossip, rumours and damned lies

The maths genii at The Daily Star are ahead of the game once more, reporting that if Liverpool cave and pay £18 million for Barry, Villa will use the money to sign David Bentley (who last time we heard was valued at £15 million alone), Anton Ferdinand and Steve Sidwell. And apparently there’s spare change from all that to buy a new keeper too. The Spoiler’s calculator puts that shopping list somewhere around the £30million mark….

Emmanuel Adebayor to Barcelona
Once upon a time Arsenal signed Nicolas Anelka for £500,000 then sold him for £22.3 million two years later. It looks like Arsene Wenger will be rich again as Barcelona have reportedly offered £30 million for top scorer Adebayor.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: An offer perhaps too good to turn down

Roque Santa Cruz to Arsenal

Wenger already has a replacement lined up, probably for less than half of the money they can make on Adebayor. Paul Ince has said Cruz will stay put, but Arsenal are ready to test Blackburn’s resolve.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Blackburn will drive a hard bargain

Dimitar Berbatov to Man United
Real Madrid have generously

An excellent reason to visit Prague…

Freddie Ljungberg and David Beckham aren’t the only footballers who enjoy partaking in homoerotic photoshoots - former Liverpool, Aston Villa and Portsmouth striker Milan Baros also likes to show off his tidy hariless chest in a professional capacity. Say what you will about the Czech’s Zoolander-esque efforts, but at least he has something in common with model girlfriend Edita Hortova.

Today’s gossip, rumours and damned lies

Gareth Barry is still working on his ‘Mr Popular’ reputation by getting himself banned from Aston Villa’s training ground. According to The Times, he is reluctant to put in an official transfer request as he will miss out on loyalty payments. And who is more deserving of loyalty payments than the man who has insisted that he wants to leave his current employers high and dry?

Elsewhere, Arsene Wenger is leading the race to see the spectacle of Andrei Arshavin sign a contract while looking in the opposite direction, and it will cost The Gunners around £15m for the privilege…

Emmanuel Adebayor to Barcelona
AC Milan conceded defeat in the pursuit of the Arsenal striker yesterday, but Barca have upped their bid.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: His head may have been turned

Andrei Arshavin to Arsenal
If Barca break the bank for Adebayor, then maybe they won’t need Arshavin, leaving Arsenal to replace the Togolese striker and have some money to spare.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Chelsea may also bid - Abramovich has allegedly demanded a Russian.

Samuel Eto’o/ Florent Malouda exchange
Malouda is officially a flop after one season, and at Chelsea you rarely get a second chance.

Todays rumours, gossip and damned lies

According to the Daily Mirror, Inter Milan have agreed a fee of £7 million to finally separate Lamps’ lips from his beloved Chelsea badge and bring him to the San Siro. For those of you wondering, that’s approximately 39 per cent of a Gareth Barry at today’s market value…

The Gareth Barry saga latest
Martin O’Neill has asked for a whopping £18 million, but Liverpool insist they won’t go beyond a pathetic £17 million. (That would be the same Liverpool who reportedly rejected a £9 million offer for Peter Crouch from Portsmouth as it was a million short of their demand.)

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: If you’re willing to pay 17, why not go one more? It’s not like there’s a recession at the moment or anything…

Ronaldinho to Chelsea
If Lampard leaves then Chelsea will have to move quickly to fill their tubby quota. They will be delighted to hear that podgy Barca man Ronaldinho wants to work with Scolari again.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: He wants to go, but do Chelsea want him?

Robert Green to Aston Villa
Villa are moving lower down the

Today’s rumours, gossip and damn lies

It’s July 1st folks, which means that the transfer windows have been flung wide open, and all those birds that have been trapped indoors can finally fly away to be grossly overpaid elsewhere. Badly constructed analogies aside, the day’s transfers have been pretty quiet so far, and the latest rumours are a mix of random hearsay and continuing sagas. Let’s kick things off with one from the latter category…

Frank Lampard to Inter Milan
The Deco signing looks like Chelsea’s way of showing Frank where to stick his long-term contract demands. Mourinho claims he is willing to wait until Lampard’s contract expires, but is he just forcing Chelsea’s hand?

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: The ball is in Inter’s court

Dimitar Berbatov to Man United
Ronaldo or no Ronaldo, a new striker appears to be at the top of United’s wishlist. Ferguson said he only envisages signing one player this summer - could Berbatov be his man?

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: It seems inevitable that he will leave, and where better to go?

Fernando Torres to Chelsea
The Daily Star wanted a special story for the opening of the transfer window so made up discovered Abramovich would offer £85 million if Liverpool

Today’s transfer gossip, rumours and damn lies

Last night, Avram Grant revealed on Israeli TV last night that Chelsea are after Yuri Zhirkov, rather than current soup du jour Andrei Arshavin. Quite how the Toad would be privy to this information and be in a position to reveal it on television is beyond us, but it would be highly titillating to hear Londoners shouting “Jerkoff!” in unison next season…

The Cristiano Ronaldo saga latest
A shocking development today, as The Sun have actually given Spain’s victory prominence and kept Ronaldo off their back page. Fear not though, he’s still on the front. Nothing has changed: Queiroz admitted contracts mean nothing in football and Real Madrid are waiting for Man United to do something.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: This story still has months to run

Ronaldinho to reject Manchester City
Nobody will be too shocked to hear that Ronaldinho isn’t quite so keen to move to Manchester after all, though what is slightly surprising is that the Brazilian has reportedly set his heart on staying at the Nou Camp.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Guardiola may want

Stamford bridge to host a home defeat before November

Remember February 15th 2004? [Actually, it was February 21st. Obviously we don’t remember it too well - Ed.] On that day, Dennis Wise’s Millwall were months away from an FA Cup Final and England had qualified safely for the summer’s European Championship. In the Premiership, Arsenal beat Claudio Ranieri’s Chelsea 2-1 at Stamford Bridge, and brought themselves a step closer to becoming unbeaten champions. This was Chelsea’s last domestic home loss in 90 minutes.

Months later, Jose Mourinho swept into West London and seduced fans with his irresistible charm and boring football, and in three years his only home losses came to Barcelona in the Champions League and, more embarrassingly, Charlton in a League Cup penalty shootout.

Avram Grant arrived with a lot less gusto last season but even he, considered by most Chelsea fans as a Boris Johnson-esque bumbling clown, kept the unbeaten run alive.

But the amazing run started to become a strain, as highlighted in struggles against Aston Villa and Arsenal, and while it was unthinkable Chelsea would lose a home league game under Mourinho, it became an imminent threat under The Toad.

Considering Chelsea’s first five home opponents next season, Luiz Felipe Scolari will have to perform remarkably well to see Chelsea out of October with the home record intact.

First up is Portsmouth, who will no doubt be buoyed

All of today’s transfer rumours in one tasty package

With the economy in tatters, it now seems that a football team can buy three Frank Lampards for the cost of a Darren Bent. According to The Sun, Inter will bid a measly £6.6m for the Chelsea star, despite the fact that he cost them £11m back in 2001 when everyone thought he was a bit average. Come on, Internazionale, Abramovich has more money than that sitting between his couch cushions.

Cristiano Ronaldo to Real Madrid
Fantastic news: now Portugal are out of Euro 2008, so petulant w(h)inger Ronaldo can start toying with the emotions of the fans who worship him again. We didn’t even get to see him cry first - how unfair!

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: He will announce his intentions this weekend, apparently, but it all depends on whether United let him fulfil his dream of making obscene amounts of money

Jan Koller to Birmingham
Yes, you read that right. One of the most prolific strikers in international football has heard all about the physicality of the Coca Cola Championship and is eager to get himself a piece of the action.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Not even Baros would go to Birmingham right now

Andrei Arshavin or Obafemi Martins to Arsenal
It looks like Arsene Wenger is getting uncomfortable

Today’s transfer rumours, brimming with metrosexuality

If the picture above is to be believed, Princess Frank has already packed his favourite makeup travel case ahead of a big new move to Milan. They’ll really dig his all-pink beachwear in the fashion capital, but will he go running to the open arms of The Special One or stick around to let Big Phil beat him like a red haired stepchild?

Frank Lampard to Inter
Internazionale confirmed Lampard as their number one transfer target yesterday, and now Mourinho and Scolari are both dangling club badges in front of his face, forcing him to choose which one to kiss.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: We think he may love Mourinho a little more than Chelsea

Ronaldinho to Chelsea
Even though he’s still contracted to Barcelona, Deco has taken it upon himself to become Chelsea’s travel agent, by advising Ronaldinho to steer clear of smelly Manchester and move to petal-scented West London.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Can see it happening

Ivan Klasnic to Wigan
After scoring the winner for Croatia last night, Klasnic has decided it may be time to plunge for the glitz, glamour and endless excitement of Premier League football by signing for…Wigan.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Bigger clubs may come calling

David Bentley to Aston Villa
Bentley wants to leave Blackburn to get a shot at a club playing in the Champions League but he said he’d settle for UEFA Cup football. Surely he doesn’t want to play in the Intertoto with Villa though?

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: It’s Chelsea, The Spoiler told you that ages ago

Peter Crouch to Portsmouth
It’s emerged that Harry Redknapp’s

Awww, don’t cry Tottenham fans, we didn’t mean it (we did)

Something about the way Alex on The Apprentice started weeping and pointing at other people the minute anyone dared question his business acumen, even just slightly, suggests that he will one day make an absolutely tremendous football manager. He’s got it all - the quivering lip, the total lack of humility, everything!

Which got The Spoiler to thinking. Alex is a sensitive soul - some would say a pillock - but who else is sensitive? And, more specifically, what sets of football fans are the most fragile and Alex-like? The answer was, of course, simple: Spurs fans.
Go anywhere in the world, and you’ll find a delicate Tottenham supporter launching into an angry rage about Berbatov and why people should leave him alone (most of the time completely unnecessarily), or aggressively lampooning Sol Campbell, totally unaware that even Sol - the planet’s most fragile and nervous centre back - has put the whole nasty business behind him already. And God forbid anyone ever say the Arse word.

But, before Spurs fans start hysterically blubbing and screaming about how unfair that just sounded, stop - take a breath, wipe the drool from your tie and put the chair down. You’re not alone. Also registering high on the hurty-feelings scale are Newcastle’s finest/fattest - still convinced that Kevin Keegan is Jesus Christ, and it’s 1996 all over again - Man City fans (don’t