UEFA have been playing with the crazy pots again

The good officials of the Champions League gathered around the trough in Monaco this afternoon, pausing briefly to pompously remove some plastic footballs from mixing bowls in one of their favourite little rituals.

As per, various pundits and sundry authorities were on hand to discuss the mouth-watering nature of the dance card, while those associated with the managerial side of things vowed not to underestimate anybody, as decreed by UEFA’s guidelines on how to talk to the press at times such as this.

Of the English teams, Liverpool probably feel the men in blazers could have looked harder to find them a couple of soft sides, but at least

Uruguayan striker guilty of worst miss of all time

Yeah, he probably should have put that away.

[Juande Ramos interested in Diego Forlan]

Today’s gossip, rumours and damned lies

Yesterday, David Villa was supposed to be ushered into White Hart Lane for a cool £32 million, but today all the talk is about Dean Ashton and how they won’t pay West Ham’s £18 million asking price (quite right, too). Fear not though, Spurs fans, Juande Ramos has now decided Atletico Madrid’s Diego Forlan is the right man for the job, according to the journos fishing for a story experts at The Mirror…

Louis Saha to West Ham
The Irons are another side actively trying to bring in another striker, but the Daily Mail reports that they want to wait until the Frenchman’s knee injury clears up before making an offer. Perhaps they don’t want any outside help in their bid to retain the Physio Room Injury League title.

The Spoiler Truth-o-meter: Saha may prefer the ex-United haven at Sunderland, while

Czech star attempts the ‘naked on cardboard boxes’ look

Earlier this month, Atletico Madrid signed experienced defender Tomáš Ujfaluši from Fiorentina. The La Liga side, however, may regret their decision when they see these photos taken of the Czech Republic star and his wife Kateřina Ujfaluši. Frightening stuff.

More unsettling images from the fierce Ujfaluši photoshoot below…

Our brainy chums at chickendinner are backing Los Blancos

Once the sangria induced hangovers have cleared and the memory of Luis Aragones’ bumps torment is hazy, Spain’s footballing fraternity will have to stop basking in their Euro 2008 glory and look forward to kicking lumps out of each other in the new La Liga season. Because they care so much, here’s chickendinner’s guide to just about everything that’s going to happen in the sun-drenched nation…

» Real Madrid have secured successive La Liga titles but not since 1990-1994 (Barcelona) have any Primera Liga side managed to retain the championship three years in a row. However, the last time Real Madrid won consecutive league titles, they went on to win five in succession - 1985-1990.

» Celta Vigo finished sixth in 2005/06 and were relegated the very next season. Real Zaragoza ended the 2006/07 season in sixth position and also found themselves relegated a year later. That spells bad news for Racing Santander who were this year’s sixth placed side.

» In four of the past five seasons, the side that finished fourth in La Liga went on to struggle in the next campaign, finishing tenth or lower and on one occasion being relegated. Atletico Madrid may be in for a long season.

» Only two of the last ten runners up in La Liga have gone on to secure the title the following season - Villarreal were last year’s unlucky losers.

» In the last ten seasons, only one side has ever finished third and secured the league title in their next campaign. On six occasions

Spaniard won’t like the climate on Tyneside

It has emerged this morning that King Kev is keen to bring Atletico Madrid’s Jose Antonio Reyes to St James’ Park, to fill the left wing void that Damien Duff has been struggling with. Apparently, Manchester City are also interested in bringing him back to the UK.

Keegan spent a few years away from football before his second coming, so he may have missed the fact that Reyes left Arsenal in 2006 because he was homesick and found the weather far too cold. In London. Which is, on average, several degrees warmer than Newcastle each year. Oh dear.

The best sports programming on the telebox tonight

Tonight, the last two first leg ties fo the fifth round of the Cop del Rey are played, with Atletico and Real going in as favourites. Have a punt on the matches using our oddschicken, then look forward to settling down with a San Miguel (or a less stereotypical beverage if you prefer) tonight.

Atletico Madrid/ Valladolid (Sky Sports 1, 7pm)
Mallorca/ Real Madrid (Sky Sports 1, 9pm)